The Life of a Lily
by phnxtears7
Summary: It's Lily Evans' 7th year. She has to face prejudice, death, and love. She makes new friends, a few enemies, and learns a couple secrets along the way.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi…so I started writing this story a few months ago and just started it again like yesterday. So I pretty much don't remember the 1st ¾ of the story and I didn't want to read it all to edit it. Basically I'm trying to say sorry if this doesn't make sense.

Disclaimer: I didn't come up with any of these concepts, as much as I wish I did. J.K. Rowling gets all the credit. I'm just someone who is unhealthily obsessed with her books.

THE LIFE OF A LILY

PART I

In the world outside children were playing, laughing, skipping. They were content with their hopscotch playing, jump-roping, completely normal world. It had been a long time since she had been able to feel like that. She could still remember that fateful day seven years ago when her world had been torn apart.

It was the best thing that had ever happened to her and the worst. It had utterly disrupted her small, enclosed world and forced her into a place she could never have even dreamed of. It had created an ever-widening rift in her family. Her childhood innocence was left behind. There was no turning back upon receiving that letter. It had taught her about so much- the prejudice from both worlds. It had overwhelmed her at first but she grew accustomed to it, hardened herself to it.

She couldn't imagine living with out her magic though. It was a definite and important part of herself. There was no way she'd ever give up that part of herself. Losing magic would be like losing an arm. It would handicap her, make her feel miserable knowing that what she once had was gone, and make her feel forever a spectator in both worlds. It was her most precious treasure, even though it was also her biggest regret, magic.

So it was with a melancholy smile that she moved away from the window, away from the safe world of her childhood, and turned back towards her room, which was filled with a hodge-podge of things from her two homes.

"FREAK!" a shrill voice screamed, "GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT! ONE OF THOSE _OWLS_ IS HERE FOR YOU!"

She couldn't suppress the smirk that made its way towards her face as she imagined her sister's reaction. She had seen it before, but it never got old. The expression on her face- disgust and fear mingled with jealousy- never changed. It had first bothered her that her one time best friend was so upset over something as seemingly trivial as a means of communication, but times had changed. And so had she. "Having fun?" she asked sarcastically as she made her way downstairs. Her sister had pressed herself against the wall opposite the bird in the kitchen and had narrowed her eyes.

"Just get your letter!" she spat as her eyes darted from the witch before her towards the creature perched on the wood chair pushed in at the kitchen table.

"Tut tut!" the witch said shaking her head mockingly. "If I didn't know any better I'd say that you were scared!" She took the parchment from the impatient owl and watched as it flew out the open window.

Her sister drew herself up. "I am no such thing!" she said vehemently once the animal was safely out of sight. "I'm just disgusted by the unnatural world you choose to be a part of!"

"Sure Petunia," the witch said condescendingly, "Except I know that had our roles been switched you would have taken every opportunity to flaunt your powers."

"Like you haven't Lily!" Petunia said spitting out the name of her sister as if it tasted of garbage.

"Of course I haven't!" Lily replied mildly surprised at how worked up her sister was. "I wasn't allowed to do magic until I turned 17 anyway. I don't even do it that much now!"

"Whatever," Petunia gritted out as she pushed past her sister. "Just make sure that none of your freaky things come in contact with me."

"As if I'd want you touching any of my things," Lily muttered to herself as she examined the familiar Hogwarts seal. She opened it up and gasped as something rolled down to the floor with a definite clang sound. She picked it up. No! It couldn't be! A huge grin spread across her face. She had been made Head Girl!

True, she had been a prefect and a good one at that. She never could have possibly dreamed of this though! She didn't have that air of leadership or the unrelenting respect of her peers. She was just a girl who followed the rules, did her work, and reprimanded those who didn't do the first two things if it called for it.

Who could possibly be Head Boy? Lily was doubtful that Remus Lupin had achieved it. He was a pretty decent guy, but could absolutely not control his miscreant friends. Ugh! Potter and Black thought they were the best things to ever have hit Hogwarts! They were impossible. Lily could scarcely believe that there was actually someone that rude and obnoxious out there, much less _two_ someones. Potter thought he was so funny, asking her out for a laugh and taunting her. It made her flustered and defensive, and he knew it. Lily was rather awkward around the opposite sex sometimes, especially if they happened to be quite popular and flirtatious.

Lily mentally shrugged. It didn't really matter anyway. Whoever it was had to be all right. Dumbledore would have picked him to work with her after all. He was a genius and certainly smart enough to realize just whom Lily would make the best team with.

She quickly looked over her list and nodded. Nothing else was out of the ordinary. She'd have to stop by Diagon Alley soon and pick up her supplies. Lily would definitely have to tell her parents about her new position as soon as they returned home. They'd be _so_ proud.

Lily glanced up and saw that while reading she had reached her room. She caught her own eye as she looked in the mirror. She certainly wasn't ugly, but she wasn't gorgeous either. She was skinny and extremely short with small curves. Her red hair stood out immensely against her pale skin. Her green eyes were bright, almost alarmingly so. She had never had a real boyfriend though. She was shy, she supposed. Or boys were really just a waste of time. She wouldn't need them once she had a successful career. But try as she might, Lily could not completely believe what she told herself. Truth be told, Lily had never even kissed a guy. It was a fact that she didn't broadcast. After all, she was quite sure that she was part of an extremely small group of 17 year olds who had never been snogged. Potter just made it worse! He could play it off like a joke every time he asked her out, but to her it was like knives stabbing at her. Lily was quite sure that she'd die alone and never having been with a man. If only she had more confidence, then she could win someone over on personality alone. Her looks were severely lacking in her opinion. Anyone would say the same. After being asked if you were 12 repeatedly when you were really 17, you would think that there was something wrong with you too.

Lily couldn't think of anything better to do so she decided to sit and wait for her parents. They'd be back at 7. It was only 4 now, but honestly she didn't know what to do with herself. Her homework was done long ago, and she lacked any friends in the neighborhood thanks to going to boarding school, not that she had a great deal of good friends there anyway.

* * *

"Hey Honey!" Mrs. Evans called out as she and her husband entered through the front door. "I brought pizza!"

"Mum! Dad!" Lily shouted as she ran downstairs. "I made Head Girl! Can you believe it?" she asked excitedly.

They grinned. "That's great! I knew you'd get it!" Mr. Evans said.

Lily got out plates and started eating while chattering incessantly. "I'm so surprised! I wonder who got Head Boy. I hope it's not a Slytherin. I don't want to have to deal with someone who doesn't respect me…"

"Whoa! Slow down. Now why wouldn't a Slytherin respect you?" her mum asked.

Lily tensed. They had no idea about the war raging in the wizarding world. They didn't know that she was bullied and called names because of her lack of blood purity. Maybe it was time for them to know. After all, she was an adult now, and they should know that she could handle it. "Well," she began slowly. "There's a bit of prejudice in the magical world about blood purity. Some people who are pureblood feel that they are better than halfbloods and muggleborns. Slytherins are generally those wizards who fall in that category."

"That's terrible! Why didn't you tell us before?"

"I didn't want to worry you, because…well because there's a group of people who target wizards who blood isn't pure."

"Is it like a terrorist group?" her dad asked.

"A bit," Lily answered. "The wizard who heads it is known as you-know-who, because people don't like to speak his name. His followers are called deatheaters."

"And how long has this been going on?"

"Quite a while, since before I knew about the magical world. The attacks have been increasing over the past couple of years. There's no need to worry about me though. Professor Dumbledore is the only one you-know-who fears. He wouldn't dare touch Hogwarts."

"What about while you're here?" Mrs. Evans asked concerned.

Lily hesitated. "It's highly unlikely that they'd go after us. I'm fairly certain that no one from school knows where I live. There are tons of other people who are considered targets too, and we don't live in the hot zone where most of the attacks occur."

"I don't think I like the idea of you going somewhere where you could be killed."

"I've been at Hogwarts for year and nothing has happened. Nothing will happen. Magic is a part of me, and I don't think that I could happily exist without it. I won't be scared off by a bunch of mental wizards," Lily spoke out defiantly.

Her parents surveyed her. "I can tell you're stuck on doing magic. I blame your mother, you crazy stubborn redheads," her dad joked trying to lighten the mood.

"Thank you," Lily said genuinely. "It's really good to finally be able to tell you guys about everything."

"Come on!" Mrs. Evans said clapping her hands together. "The pizza is getting cold."

"Wait where's Petunia?" Lily asked curiously.

Her mother waved a hand carelessly. "Oh she's out with her boyfriend. He seems like a nice enough fellow I suppose. He is a lot like Petunia though when it comes to anything er…irregular."

Lily nodded glumly. "I see." She took a huge bite of her pizza.

After the eating was finished and the dishes cleaned, the Evans family (minus Petunia) sat down to watch some television. Lily sat herself down on a blue floral print comfy chair next to a matching couch where her parents sat. They had snuggled up close together and Lily couldn't help but smile at the obvious signs of affection. With a pang she realized that as this rate she would never get to experience something like that firsthand.

There was a sudden clap of thunder and Lily started. Rain was falling down heavily and lightening was streaking the sky. Nights like this always gave her the creeps. This was the type of weather in horror films. Lily preferred a light rain- it was her favorite type of weather.

Her parents chuckled at her reaction and commenced teasing her about it. She used to get so scared of the storms when she was younger. She had always wanted to prove that she was brave though and so she wouldn't go running to her parents. Of course the next morning the dark circles under her eyes were proof of the fact that she had stayed up the rest of the night listening and waiting.

Suddenly the door blew open with a bang. "Petunia?" Mrs. Evans asked getting up. "Did your date go well?" She walked over a few steps toward the door.

Lily and her dad got up also. Something wasn't right. Lily felt panicked. The combination of the weather and seeing no one almost sent her over the edge. She narrowed her eyes. "Mum, Dad!" she barked out. "Get out of here!" She could faintly see the outlines of people moving. She knew her magic well enough to recognize a well-placed disillusionment spell. She wasn't top of her year for nothing.

"Hello mudblood," a harsh voice whispered in her ear. The door slammed shut and they removed their disguises. "I've been looking forward to this for quite a while."

Lily's wand was in her pocket. She drew it quickly, but she didn't stand a chance. She was outnumbered 5 to 1. With a quick disarming spell her wand went soaring across the room. Lily stood tall, "Why are you here? Why now?" she spat.

"We figured it was time to pay you a visit. There are far too many mudbloods and muggles polluting the world," another spoke in a raspy tone. "Enough talk. Let's do what we came for," he called out.

Lily's parents were shaking. They knew very little about magic. They had just found out about deatheaters a couple of hours ago for God's sake! It all seemed to real, too rushed. They fought down their fears. They weren't going down without a fight.

Lily saw the spell being cast but had no time to intercept it. The cruciatous curse slammed into her mother's body and her tortured screams filled the air. It broke Lily's heart. "Stop it!" she screamed a minute later once she had found her voice. She struggled against the two men who were holding her in place.

The one with the raspy voice who she deemed as the leader taunted her. "Stop?" he asked. "Well if you insist." He turned back towards her mother. "Avada kedavra!" he shrieked in an almost inhuman voice.

Lily yelled but could only helplessly look on as the sickly green light ripped away her mother's life. Mrs. Evans dropped to the floor, an expression of pain mingled with fear. She looked pale and her eyes were open wide. Tears poured down Lily's face, and her hurt only worsened as she took notice of the look of pure anguish on the face of her father.

He sunk to his knees, not able to balance himself. "No!" he gasped out in shock and disbelief. The love of his life, the mother of his children, was obviously gone.

"Oh yes," a death eater next to him said, and Lily was sickened as she realized that he was surely smirking behind his mask. Emotional and physical torture to them was like playtime was for children. "One down, two to go."

"You think you're tough," Lily spat out. "You're weak and vile, killing the defenseless, outnumbering them." Two cruciatous curses hit her simultaneously after that statement. It was agony beyond agony. Lily wanted to die, to see her mother. She distantly heard screams in the background but it didn't seem to connect that they were her own.

And then the curse was lifted, leaving Lily fumbling for air. Her father was pale and watching her with pained eyes. He was shaking horribly, and Lily was sure that he had experienced the same curse while she was under it. She met his eyes. Mouthing a silent 'I love you,' to him she tore across the room to her wand.

Her father yelled out and the five men all turned to him for an instant, which was all that Lily needed. She had her wand safely in her hand. Her dad smiled briefly and sadly at her. He knew he wasn't going to make it, but at least now his daughter would have a chance.

"Stupefy!" she shouted, hitting one of the wizards in the back. He fell forwards and crumpled on the floor.

The other four circled around her. "Look at the mudblood!" one teased, "She thinks she has a chance!" The others laughed and through a few curses at her, but she blocked them. Her dueling skills were quite impressive, especially considering the fact that she had had 6 different defense teachers.

Her dad inched towards the telephone and began dialing. The leader spun around, "Now now!" he admonished. "We can't have that! More muggles would just make a bigger mess, and we're running short on time."

Lily couldn't stop it, that evil spell, for the second time that night she watched someone die. Her father froze with a defiant look on his face. His brow was creased with concentration, as he had tried to dodge. But alas, his reflexes were not quite fast enough. Lily choked down her vomit that was threatening to erupt from her mouth. She wouldn't give these creeps the satisfaction.

She held her own for a while, but the combination of shock and after pain was setting in. She was tiring out quickly. She needed help. A leg locker curse caught her off guard and she tumbled to the floor.

"I'm surprised," one said, "I didn't think she could last that long. I would've figured that she'd have run for it."

"Nah," another sneered, "She is a Gryffindor after all, foolish and headstrong."

Lily spat at their feet and the leader smacked her hard across the face. "Don't disrespect your betters!" he barked at her.

"I don't see any of my betters," she replied with a glare.

"We're right here mudblood," the fourth one said, and with a flick of his wrist she was slammed into the wall behind her.

Several pain curses hit her over the course of the next hour or so. They just wouldn't end it. She wanted to die so badly. No one would even miss her. Her parents were gone, her sister hated her, and she had no good friends. Finally she gathered her strength. "Why won't you kill me? Scared?" she taunted, hoping that they'd take the bait.

She hit the wall again. "We are killing you, just slowly. You're dying right now actually. We're just getting our parting shots in," the leader said. A series of rapid crack sounds were heard and Lily dimly recognized them as the signals of someone apparating. The leader swore, "The ministry is here! We have to go!"

The five men portkeyed away (the stunned man had been enervated.) but not before yelling out a loud _morsmorde_. The dark mark rose in the sky, but Lily was too tired and sore to see it.

The door burst open and ministry members came filing in. She was safe. She had made it. Darkness consumed her, and she knew no more.


	2. Chapter 2

PART II

Lily slowly began to stir. She tried moving a little, but found she was in too much pain. Memories of what had happened came flying back to her, and she opened her eyes with a gasp.

She was in a bed with clean but firm white sheets. The surrounding walls were the same almost blinding white. She nearly jumped out of her skin as she turned slowly and saw a woman sitting in a chair beside her. She looked prim and proper with her hair done up in a bun and her eyes hidden behind thick frames.

"I see you're awake," the woman said. "I am an official from the ministry, and so it is my duty to first of all get the full story from you and second of all to tell you any news I may have."

Lily was slightly intimidated by her. "Excuse me, but can you tell me how long I've been unconscious for?"

"Less than a day, which is surprising considering how much they had to heal you."

"And…and my sister?" she asked hesitantly, inwardly cringing at the scene her sister must have made.

"She came home a couple of hours later. She was of course saddened by your loss but when asked if she wanted to come visit you, I believe her exact words were, 'No! I hope that freak dies. It's all her fault!' before leaving." The woman's thin lip curled in distaste. "The house has a small amount of damage to it. A few items were smashed and a wall has several large cracks through it, but that could be cleaned up with magic, with your permission of course. Your parents left you and your sister everything, by the way. Now it would really help me out if you told me the entire story of what happened last night."

Lily was still spinning from everything she had just heard, but she kept control of herself and told the story. She choked up several times, especially with the deaths of her parents. The woman gave no sign of sympathy or pity. She just sat in her chair with a blank look on her face.

"I suppose I should tell you that the attack has been reported in the Daily Prophet, though names were left out for privacy's sake. Here's the issue," she said handing over a copy. It was front-page news apparently.

Death Eater Attack with Sole Survivor 

_Last night in Surrey another attack occurred. A muggleborn witch and her family were the intended target. The only catch is- the witch who is currently a student, actually survived the attack._

_At roughly 10 p.m. the death eaters entered the house. From what we can infer from leftover magical residue there were 5 attackers. Disarming the girl, they first went for the mother of the witch and tortured her with an unforgivable before killing her. This is where it gets a bit unclear._

_There were definite signs of a struggle, and though the father and daughter obviously fought back, they still were tortured. We know that the girl somehow got her wand back and began dueling all 5 of them. Her father was killed next with a phone (a muggle object for communication) in his hand. We can only assume that he was trying to call for help._

_This distracted the girl and she lost her wand once again. She was tortured severely and on the brink of death when help from the ministry finally arrived, making the death eaters leave behind an incomplete job. She shows evidence of not only dark pain curses but also being struck by fists. She is currently at Saint Mungos, and is expected to make a full recovery._

_Names were left out to protect the victim._

Lily finished reading the article and numbly handed the paper back. It was so strange reading about what had happened. She could hardly believe it herself. It sounded like it was just some other random witch, but it was her. She was the sole survivor or the attack. "Why are they making such a big deal about this attack?" Lily asked. "I mean they're happening every day."

The woman looked at her with a piercing gaze. "It's because you survived. No one ever survives at least no one has survived an attack like this in quite some time. And you are probably the first witch still in school to live after an attack where so many other wizards were attempting to kill you."

Lily shifted uncomfortably, "Oh," she responded softly. "Well when can I leave? I really don't want to stay here any longer than possible."

The woman's lips thinned even more if possible. "Technically you are of age and are free to do whatever you so wish. You may be released as an outpatient whenever you want, though you will have to be responsible for taking all of your potions. You will be sore for quite a few days, but as long as you stick to your medication you should be fine."

Lily broke into a small smile. "Great! Then what do I do first to get out of here?"

After filling out a seemingly endless amount of forms and being ladled down with potions, Lily was free to go. She conjured a bag for all of her potions with her wand that she had just been reunited with. (The ministry had taken it to see what spells she had cast to piece together the attack.) Her first thought was going home, but- no- she couldn't go back there, at least not yet. So instead she apparated just outside of Gringotts. She needed money so that she could buy a hotel room and a new outfit. She was still clad in her hospital gown, though she had a long coat over it.

Lily ignored the strange looks she was receiving. She obviously looked a bit strange. Not all of her injuries were completely healed. She could hardly feel them thankfully because of her pain relievers.

She withdrew a tidy sum of money. She was saddened to see that her once tiny vault was now filled to the brink. Apparently her parents' will had been quite fast acting and half of their money had already been changed into galleons. She shoved the money into her bag and after dashed off to the nearest clothing store.

She bought a dark blue robe that was form fitting. Quickly she threw it on and stuffed her hospital gown into the bag. 'Well as long as I'm here, I might as well get some supplies,' she thought. She walked over towards the bookstore and began picking out the books that she knew she needed. She could clearly remember the list. Could that really have just been yesterday? She stopped as she realized her hands were shaking. Lily took a deep breath and went up to the register. She purchased her books but was having trouble suppressing her shaking. Her initial reaction to something as huge as what had happened last night was to deny it and busy herself. She knew she couldn't truly do that. Her body wouldn't let her. She began walking towards the Leaky Cauldron to get a room and sort herself out, but she slammed into someone on the way. She reeled back in shock.

"Hey Evans!" Black said with a grin. "I can see you're happy to see us," he added teasingly once he saw the look on her face.

"Us?" Lily asked weakly. He moved aside revealing Remus, Pettigrew, and Potter. She was so tired. She couldn't handle seeing them now. Lily just needed to sleep and deal with her new issues.

"Are you ok?" James asked with a touch of concern lacing his voice.

Lily jerked away from him. "I'm fine."

Sirius swung an arm around her and Lily tried not to cringe at the sudden pain. "So what did you buy?" he asked trying to peak in her bag.

She moved her things away from him quickly. "Just some books," she answered hurriedly. She turned towards Remus to say goodbye to the only polite marauder but found him staring curiously at her bag. She looked down and was panicked when she saw a piece of her hospital clothes flopping out. She shoved it back in.

"Why do you have that?" Remus asked curiously.

"Have what?" Lily responded innocently.

"That hospital gown. I've been there plenty of times. I can recognize what the patients wear, you know."

"Are you hurt?" Sirius questioned as he took his arm off of her.

Lily nearly sighed in relief as the weight was removed. "I'm fine!" she snapped. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have better things to do than talk with a bunch of annoying gits." She fled to the Leaky Cauldron leaving the boys bewildered at her sudden outburst.

Lily collapsed in her newly purchased room. She took her second round of medication and then sunk down on her bed. Tears streamed down her face. She cried for hours, thinking of all that had been lost. She remembered the love between her parents that she had observed just last night, and knew or at least wanted to think that they were now together in a better place as deeply in love as they were when they were alive. She hadn't been extremely close to them. They were muggles and there were certain things that they just really couldn't understand. But she couldn't deny that she loved them. She was so close to them until she was 11. Slowly, she grew up and away from them. She was the type of person who liked solitude, or who had at least convinced herself that she did. Lily loved them, even if she didn't spend much time with them anymore and knew that they wouldn't have died if it weren't for her. Finally she drifted off to sleep late in the afternoon.

* * *

She had been staying at the Leaky Cauldron for a few weeks. Lily was having quite the time shopping and eating out everyday. There was so much of the world of magic she had never experienced before. It was all so new. The Evans family had been very well off and so she had plenty of money. She knew that she had to pace herself though or she'd run out of her savings. Lily finally decided to go back to her house.

Clad in muggle clothes that she had only recently purchased, she apparated to the front door of her old home. Lily's breath caught in her throat and tears welled up in her eyes and she observed the place she had grown up in. She discretely unlocked the door with her wand. The place had not changed at all. It was exactly as how it was _that _night. Petunia, she knew, would not have stayed here either after their parents' deaths. She was planning to move in with her boyfriend, Vernon, anyway. Lily sunk down on her old favorite chair and breathed in the familiar but fading scent of the fabric. She had sat here right before it happened. She sobbed and shouted. It wasn't fair! Finally Lily got up reluctantly and went on to do what she had came for. She needed to pack her things and find a flat. She certainly couldn't live here.

Lily walked into her room and with a few flicks of her wand; everything packed in her school trunk and a couple of suitcases. She shrunk them down and glanced around the house. She gave it one last tour, checking to see if she forgot anything important. Then she apparated away to the Leaky Cauldron.

She had gone flat searching a few days prior and had found one that she might deem suitable. It was small- one bedroom and one bathroom plus a kitchen and living room, but that was all she really needed. Plus, she would be heading off to Hogwarts soon and wouldn't be spending a lot of time there. It would be nice to already have a place once her 7th year was over though.

Lily contacted the person who she'd be renting from and told them she'd accept the deal. It was rather nice for a first apartment. It was in London, near Diagon Alley, and she had multiple magical neighbors. She didn't fear living in the 'hot zone' for the attacks anymore. After all, she had been attacked when she was all the way in Surrey.

Her things fit in the apartment nicely, and with a few spells, the walls were painted and the rooms were clean. It looked a bit sparse. Lily was trying to save money after all, and so the best way to get furniture then was transfiguration, which was her weakest subject. She didn't dare try to do too much. Charms of course was her specialty and so her new home was lavishly decorated.

Lily had a ton of clothes now, since she had refused to go home for weeks she had to buy several new outfits. Now those clothes added with the ones she already had were quite overwhelming. If someone didn't know better, they could mistake her for being excessively girly.

It was another couple of weeks later and Lily was getting extremely annoyed with her noisy neighbors. She had not met the owner of the home next door, but she knew it was a man and that he liked to party. Finally she couldn't take it anymore. Putting on an expression she usually saved for school when others weren't behaving she marched right up to his front door. She rapped smartly on it. The door swung open, and she gasped. "Oh no! No no no no no!" she said backing away. "Not you! You do not live here!"

Sirius Black opened the door even further. "Of course I do!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Are you my new neighbor?" he asked excitedly.

Lily nodded dumbly. She couldn't seem to form words.

"Oh good! We can do each other's hair and paint our nails and gossip about all the hotties…" Sirius joked in a girly voice.

"Why…" Ah, she had found her voice after all. "Why do you live here? I thought the Blacks lived in one of those old manors."

Sirius scowled. "They do. Technically though, I'm not a Black. I've been disowned, and that my friend, is why I am living here. I used to live with the Potters but I bought this place at the beginning of the summer."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't know," Lily responded shocked. She knew he didn't get along with his family but she didn't think that they had _disowned_ him!

"How about you, Evans. Why are you here?" Sirius asked curiously.

She looked down at her feet uncomfortably and then looked back up when she realized that he was still staring at her. "I just…I couldn't live with my parents anymore," she answered. It was the truth. You can't live with dead people.

Sirius actually seemed to sense that she didn't want to talk about it, and so he just nodded. "So what did you come over for?" he changed the subject.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Well I was going to yell at my neighbor for being so loud. I should've guessed that it was you. No one else can possibly make that much noise."

He grinned, "Sorry. This place is party central since there's no parental supervision here."

"Great…" Lily groaned.

"Ooh! And even better!" Sirius continued excitedly. "Remus and Peter and James are here all of the time!"

"No wonder I got my flat for so cheap! No one wanted to live by you!"

Sirius mocked pouted. "I'll have you know that everyone loves me! They're all just too intimidated to get too close. You're not though, because you only have eyes for James, of course."

Lily gagged. "Potter? Yah right. You and your friends make me sick!"

Sirius grinned, "Well look, I've got to go, but here's fair warning. I'm having a huge party tonight; you know one last hoorah before going back to school. You can come if you want. James will be there," Sirius added teasingly.

"Thanks," Lily said trying to be polite, "But I think I'll skip it. See you in a few days."

"Sure Evans!" Sirius called as she walked back to her front door. "But remember you can come over whenever!"

Lily shut her door and sank down on the ground with her back against it. 'Black? Black is my new neighbor? Merlin, I have to move,' Lily thought to herself. ' Remus isn't so bad though, and Peter isn't either. He's just a follower. But Black and Potter! Ugh! They think they're so funny, so sexy, so everything! I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens.' Lily hit her head several times on the door behind her. Thank Merlin Hogwarts was in a few days. She couldn't survive too long with the marauders unsupervised.


	3. Chapter 3

PART III

September first came quickly and Lily got to the station extremely early. She had nothing better to do and she wanted to get to the prefect compartment early. She was Head Girl after all. Lily settled down in her seat and looked out the window. She watched people file on the train and walk by. Hopefully they'd get going soon. Lily's mind wandered off as she thought of who the Head Boy could possibly be. She didn't even notice that someone else had entered the compartment until he sat down next to her.

"Evans!" James said gleefully.

"Potter?" Lily exclaimed startled. "What are you doing in here?"

James grinned. "I'm Head Boy!" he stated proudly pointing to his badge.

"No!" Lily gasped. "You can't be! You weren't even a prefect! Whom did you steal that from?"

"No it's mine!" James insisted. "I promise!"

Lily looked at him inquisitively. He seemed genuine. "Ok," she sighed. "I suppose Professor Dumbledore knows what he's doing. But I'm warning you! I am not doing all of the work this year!"

"I know!" James rolled his eyes. "I think that's why Dumbledore gave it to me, something about being more responsible."

"Whatever Potter," Lily replied. "The prefects are coming in. Do you want to start or should I?"

"I will," Potter said earnestly. He wanted to prove that he could handle this.

Once everyone was inside they called the meeting to order. A few of the girls were giggling at James and the Slytherins were looking at Lily in disgust. James stepped in front of her protectively, which only served to annoy her.

"Ok!" James called out. "Let's get started. We're using the same schedule for patrols as last year for the first month at least." Lily handed out the sheets with the schedule on it. "If you can't do a night see us for changes."

Lily cleared her throat. "I trust that you all know the rules, as your letter came with them. See us if you have any questions. Does anybody have anything they'd like to say or ask now?"

A Slytherin said loudly, "Well I'm curious to know how a mudblood thinks she can control us."

James started forward at him, but Lily stopped him with a look. "Anyone?" she asked ignoring the snickers.

Rodolphus Lestrange spoke out. "Don't ignore him," he said referring to the 6th year Slytherin prefect. "Don't disrespect your betters."

"I don't see any of my betters." The words left her mouth before she could even think. Then she froze. That deatheater had said the same thing to her and she had the same reply. It was the exact same voice. He had tortured her. He had killed her parents. It chilled her to the bone to think that her peers were already murderers and had ruined her family.

He smirked as he saw her reaction. Bellatrix started laughing. It seemed she was in on the joke too. James was looking back and forth between them confused. The others were all silent.

"You are weak and vile!" Lily said with her voice shaking. "I don't regret anything I said. It's still true. You ruined my life!" she shouted the last part and her voice cracked.

Rodolphus laughed. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he said in an unbelievable innocent voice. "If that's all, we'll be going now." All of the Slytherins rose from their seats and left the compartment. There was a moment of awkward silence and then all of the others followed, leaving Lily and James alone.

"Evans?" James asked. "What was that about?"

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her stomach. "Nothing," she whispered. She would not cry. She was determined. Her eyes were burning from the effort. Then James lifted her chin and a single silent tear made its way out of her eye. She wiped at it furiously.

"Hey," he said quietly. "What's wrong?"

Lily gained control of herself and pushed him away. "Go away Potter," She said bitterly. He didn't move. "Fine! I'll go," she said. Lily took her stuff and stalked out of the compartment. She walked around for a while until she found a compartment with only two 4th year Ravenclaws. She sat down silently and pulled out a book. Lily spent the rest of the trip reading.

578 pages later the train rolled to a stop. Lily silently exited the train and went to go sit alone in a horseless carriage. She let out a shriek. They weren't horseless! There was something there. She asked a nearby Hufflepuff if they saw anything pulling the carriages. They gave her a weird look and shook their heads. Lily panicked. Was she going insane? No. It came to her. They were thestrals. You could only see them if you had witnessed death. Tears sprang to her eyes once again as she was reminded of the lifeless faces of her parents.

"Hey Evans!" James called out waving wildly. "Over here!" Lily reluctantly walked over towards him. "Want to sit with us?" he asked gesturing towards his friends.

"Sure," she sighed tiredly. Remus helped her into the carriage and she sat next to him. James, Peter, and Sirius squashed together across from her.

"Are you ok?" Remus asked curiously once he clearly saw her red-rimmed eyes.

"Yes," she replied stiffly. She looked down at her hands and missed the looks of concern that the marauders all exchanged.

Finally they were there and Lily smiled contently. This was her home now. Everyone sat down and she found herself squeezing onto the very end of the Gryffindor table closest to the door. A line of small and scared looking first years came filing in and Lily smiled as she remembered her sorting. Potter had told her that they had to wrestle a troll. She unconsciously scowled slightly.

Professor McGonagall walked out primly and set out the stool, perching the old hat on top of it. It opened up and began to sing.

_Nearly a thousand years ago_

_This school was newly found_

_The diverse four worked together_

_Starting up from the ground_

_Hogwarts was completed_

_It was just newly created_

_It wasn't long at all though_

_Before their values separated_

_Rowena Ravenclaw was a thinker_

_She knew knowledge was power_

_Wit and brains were everything_

_She came up with her own tower_

_Next was Salazar Slytherin_

_Who caused a mighty feud_

_His beliefs on blood were strong_

_He was cunning and sly _

_But some would call him rude_

_Godric Gryffindor was his foil_

_Bravery and chivalry was key_

_Being a hero and doing what's right_

_That's how his students should be_

_Helga Hufflepuff was less picky_

_As long as her pupils were loyal_

_She was open minded to all_

_People of any family or soil_

_The four houses were finalized_

_The founders would each pick their own_

_They'd teach their students all they knew_

_Until they were fully grown_

_A problem arose bright one day_

_Who would decide when they were gone?_

_Godric plucked me from his head_

_And on the table did I lay_

_The other quickly caught on _

_They all cast a difficult spell_

_So now here I am singing this song!_

_So just put me on_

_You've got nothing to hide_

_I'll look in your noggin_

_And then I'll decide_

_I've never been wrong_

_And never will be_

_Come up and I'll place you_

_Just wait and see!_

There was a flurry of applause and then the sorting started. Lily tuned it out and looked around aimlessly. Finally it was time to eat and Lily gobbled down her food. Dumbledore rose for his speech.

"Hello everyone!" he said with twinkling eyes. "Welcome back to Hogwarts. I must remind you to check the list that Mr. Filch has posted on all illegal items. Also, the Forbidden Forest is indeed forbidden. Some of our older students would do well to remember that." Lily could have sworn that he had looked at Remus and his friends. "Our Head Girl and Boy for this year are Lily Evans and James Potter." James stood up and bowed exaggeratedly. Lily ducked embarrassed. "Please follow them and the prefects in your house to your rooms. Goodnight!"

Everyone stood up and chaos ensued. After a lot of confusion, everyone was safely up in his or her rooms. Lily tiredly went up to her new private room that she got for being Head Girl. It hadn't quite sunk in yet that she was sharing a living space with Potter.

Lily was woken the next morning by loud off-key singing. It was emanating from the bathroom. Confused and only half awake Lily stumbled to the door and through it open.

"Merlin she was fine! I want to make her mine. My heart was beating like a snitch. When I saw the crazy hot little witch!" James sang out as he stepped out of the shower.

"Ahem," Lily said clearing her throat. James spun around and reddened slightly. Lily's eyes were drawn downwards involuntarily and she blushed brightly.

James pulled a towel around himself. "What? Never seen one before, Evans?" he taunted. "I think you're in need of a good shag. Maybe then that stick would come out of your ass."

Lily glared at him. "Can you please not sing in the shower? You just woke me up."

"Yes, I can see that," James commented amused. He looked her over. Lily was wearing baggy blue pajama pants and a form fitting black tank top, not that she had much of a form for her shirt to fit to.

"I think we need to work out a schedule," she continued on bravely looking him in the eye.

"How about you let me get dressed first?" James suggested. Lily blushed again and nodded her consent. "I'll see you in a couple of minutes in the common room."

Lily took the few extra moments she had to really get a good look at the place. She had been far too tired last night to explore. Her room had a queen-sized bed with red and gold bedding. The walls matched. It was definitely a room for a Gryffindor. A desk was in the corner of her room and she had several windows. Leaving her bedroom behind, Lily walked out to the common room. It looked a lot like Gryffindor tower. 'It made sense,' Lily supposed, 'as both heads were Gryffindors.' She briefly wondered what it would have looked like had one head been in a different house. Lily's biggest worry though was sharing a bathroom with Potter. The prefects' bathroom was gorgeous and luxurious though not that private. From the quick glimpse of the head bathroom, Lily could tell that it was even nicer. It was a bit smaller than the other, mostly because only two people would be using it, but it was very rich and white looking. Lily colored slightly as she thought more about it. She'd be using the same toilet and shower as Potter. He could see all of her er…girly products. Oh well. She'd just keep them in her room.

James came down and he sat next to Lily on the couch. "All right Evans," he began. "What ideas do you have for a bathroom schedule?"

"How about I get mornings and you get nights?" she suggested.

"Fine, I usually shower at nights anyway," James replied. Then he smiled mischievously. "You know, Evans, we're all alone and on a couch," he said with a wink. He scooted closer and grabbed her hands.

Lily tried suppressing her shaking. She had never been a people person and hated being touched. She could stand it if she was expecting it, but when she wasn't she was a mess. Now after the attack, her condition had only worsened. She quickly pulled her hands away. "No Potter," she replied standing up. "You're all alone on a couch." She walked back to her bedroom and shut the door.

'Why does he think that's so funny? I'm not a joke! He shouldn't make fun of me just because I'm shy and have no experience! I wish he'd just go away!' Lily thought angrily as she screamed into her pillow. 'I hope he didn't notice my hands shaking. I'd be mortified. Wait… do I care what he thinks?' Lily sighed. For some unknown reason the answer was a resounding yes.

Lily got ready and had time for a quick breakfast before schedules were handed out. She had NEWT potions first. Most of the class was Slytherins. Lily was the only girl Gryffindor who had made it all the way through. Professor Slughorn had a soft spot for her. He always raved about how she was a natural and the smartest witch of her year. She set off to go down to the dungeons for class.

"Today class," Professor Slughorn began as he paced around the room. "We will be making Amortentia. Does anyone know what that is?"

Lily looked around and saw that no one knew the answer so she hesitantly raised her hand. "Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in the world."

"Correct Ms. Evans. That is what we will be attempting to make today. It's NEWT level. Be warned though that if I see anyone stealing this potion for their own purposes they will receive a great deal of detention and will lose 50 points for their house. Get started!"

Lily immediately opened her book and got the necessary ingredients. It was times like this where she was really glad that you had to work alone on all of your potions now. Everyone else just slowed her down. She was a natural rivaled only by Severus Snape who spent his free time brewing things and practicing for class.

She was slightly pleased when the professor beamed down at her when he peered into her cauldron. "Good job Evans!" he barked out jovially.

By the end of class Lily's potion had a distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen and steam rose gently from her work in characteristic spirals. She was one of the few who had gotten it though. A few Slytherins had done a moderate job and Snape's was just slightly off in color. Sirius and James' were both foul smelling messes, though somehow Remus had gotten it mostly right.

"The clear winner is Ms. Evans!" Professor Slughorn said after examining each. "Go up and smell it if you'd like. It gives you quite a content feeling," he addressed the class.

Lily took in a deep breath. She breathed in the scent for the first time. She had been too busy earlier to notice it. She smelled fresh chocolate chip cookies, something that made her think distinctly of Hogwarts- especially the common room- and the smell of her old favorite chair that she had been sitting in that fateful night a couple of months ago.

James came up to her cauldron and took a big whiff. "Hmm…it smells just like Evans!" he said loudly with an exaggerated wink in her direction.

She huffed and began cleaning up her things. Of course Potter had to spoil her good mood by trying to humiliate her.

At lunch a small 3rd year came up to her holding a piece of parchment. "The headmaster told me to give you this!" he told her importantly, puffing up his chest.

She smiled slightly at his demeanor. "Thank you," she took the paper with a smile. "You'd make a terrific prefect someday," she added right before he walked away. She wasn't quite sure if she had meant that as a compliment or not.

Turning back to the parchment at hand, Lily unrolled it and read.

_Dear Ms. Evans,_

_As a tradition, every year I invite the heads to my office for a chat. This way I can answer any questions either of you may have about your positions and I can get to know you better. Please come to my office at 8 p.m. tonight._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

_P.S. I'm rather fond of lemon drops._

She tucked the letter into her bag after she realized the postscript was his way of telling her the password to his office.


	4. Chapter 4

PART IV

That night at precisely 8 p.m. Lily said the password and moved past the statue of the gargoyle guarding the entrance. She was quite surprised to see that James was already there speaking with the professor. Their conversation halted as she entered the room.

"Good evening Ms. Evans," Dumbledore greeted her with twinkling eyes and a small smile.

"Hello Professor," She said with a smile, "Potter," she nodded at him as an after thought. She conjured up a chair for herself as there were only two in the room and they were being occupied. She didn't notice the surprised look on James' face when he saw her do that powerful of magic.

"Do you have any questions, suggestions, or ideas?" Dumbledore asked her politely.

She hesitated and her eyes darted towards James briefly. "Well, I was thinking about, well maybe we could, towards the end of the year, if it was ok with everyone I mean…"

"Spit it out!" James said impatiently.

"I was hoping that we could have a memorial service," Lily spoke hurriedly. "I mean people have lost so much to the war and I really think that we should take time to commemorate those who have been killed."

Dumbledore looked at her knowingly. "I think that would be a good idea. What do you think Mr. Potter?"

"We should do it," he said passionately. "I think we should honor those who have been severely injured too, though, not just the dead. There's really not that many of them."

Lily looked at him startled at how fierce he had become. "Oh well, I was just thinking those who have passed away…I mean everyone who was injured is still _alive_…"

James looked at her disbelievingly. "Are you saying that they don't deserve it because they survived a raid or a town massacre?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "Well I suppose…I guess I was just thinking of the murdered people instead of those who still get to live their lives."

"But the survivors don't get to live their lives! They've been changed! They've been tortured! Merlin! Evans I didn't know that you were so ignorant to the world around you. I thought that you were supposed to be smart!" James told her heatedly.

"Who are you to call me ignorant?" Lily rose from her chair. "I'm muggleborn! I'm a target!"

"You're too busy living off in your muggle world to really see how this war affects the injured!"

Tears sprang to Lily's eyes. "You don't know me, Potter," she said through gritted teeth. "So do not act like you know a single thing about my life!" She turned towards the headmaster. "I'm sorry sir. I have to go." She fled the room.

Lily ran back to the common room for the heads. She flung herself down on the couch unseeingly. She jerked up moments later as she realized her head was on someone's lap. "What are you doing here?" she asked Sirius and Remus embarrassedly.

"Waiting for Prongs," Sirius answered with a smirk. "Aww why'd you move? I was just getting comfortable!"

"You are a pig!" she said with narrowed eyes. She guessed that Prongs was James, what a weird nickname.

Sirius was about to reply but Remus interrupted him. "What's wrong Lily? I thought that you and James had a meeting with Dumbledore."

"We did!" she sniffled. "Potter was being a complete prat about an idea I had."

"What happened?" Remus asked.

She explained the entire thing to him, leaving out the fact that the reason it hurt so much was because she was a victim, of course. "…And then I told the headmaster goodbye and here I am," she finished. Sirius and Remus exchanged looks and Lily recognized them as should-we-tell-her-a-secret type glances. "What? Am I missing something?" she questioned.

"Evans," Sirius began politely, which was a first. "You really offended James. You basically implied that people who survived don't deserve any sympathy or recognition."

Remus took over. "Like for instance, I don't know if you heard about that attack over the summer, where that witch and her family were attacked, Her parents were murdered and she was tortured. Don't you feel sorry for her?" he asked.

Lily tensed. That was her he was talking about! No, she didn't feel sorry for herself. It didn't go her any good to wallow in self-pity. She just looked down and hoped that they took that as some form of answer.

"James' parents were attacked a couple of years ago," Sirius explained. "He was here at the time so he only got the news through a letter. His father was killed and his mother managed to get away. There was only one man attacking them so she had a chance to floo to safety. It kills him to see her so upset."

"I didn't know," Lily finally said softly. "I wouldn't have been so blunt if I had."

"It's ok," Remus said patting her knee and taking no notice as she flinched slightly. "You couldn't have known."

Suddenly someone came stomping up to them. The portrait had swung open without them taking notice and a certain someone had heard the tale end of the conversation. "Gee Evans, do you feel sorry for me now?" James asked harshly.

She stood up and looked him square in the eye. "No."

He faltered. "No? What do you mean no? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's not like you actually have a heart."

"Yes, I'm sorry that your dad died and that your mum is heartbroken, but that doesn't give you the right to walk around acting like a self-righteous git!" Lily rubbed at her eyes that were prickling furiously and walked to her room. She could hear James berating his friends in the background about spilling his secrets.

"I hate this," she whispered. "I hate this war. It's ripping families and friends apart. I hate how I don't have anyone, and I hate how no one knows." She had no idea that a certain werewolf had gone to check on her and had heard everything thanks to his superb hearing. He backed away quietly.

* * *

The next few days passed quietly and finally it was time for defense against the dark arts class. The teacher this year was Gideon Prewett who had graduated as a Gryffindor several years ago. Lily had heard enough snatches of conversation to know that he was really good and knew his stuff well.

"Hello class," he said in a friendly tone. "I'm Professor Prewett and I'm teaching defense against the dark arts for the year."

"You're not staying longer?" Sirius asked.

"Nope. I'm planning on only being here a year. I don't want the curse to get me, after all!" The class laughed slightly. For the past 20 years or so no DADA teacher had lasted longer than a year. A couple had ended their careers in quite messy deaths.

"Now onto class! This year I'm really going to be focusing on the war. You all need to be prepared. Its going full force and you need to be able to protect yourselves. I'd like to see what you've got. I need 2 volunteers." No one raised his or her hand. "Anyone?" he asked. "Alright! I'll have to pick from my attendance record." He thumbed through the paper. "Rodolphus Lestrange and…" he looked through the list once again. "Lily Evans. Come on up! I've cleared a space. Ok no extremely dark magic can be used. The first to disarm the other wins."

The Slytherin stepped up and moved beside Lily. She shook slightly but tried to ignore it. This bastard had killed her parents. "I'm rather good at disarming," he said loudly for the entire class to hear.

Lily glared. "Only if it's 5 against one!" she replied heatedly. The class watched them in alarm as they saw how serious they were about winning.

The duel began when he threw a disarming curse at her. She blocked it quickly. "Wingardium leviosa!" she shouted at him. He rose quickly and looked around confused. She ended the spell and he landed with a huge thud. Lestrange sprang back up quickly and through a stupefy at her. It grazed against her. Lily wasn't close to being finished though. She cast hex after hex on him. There were several instances where she could have just taken his wand but she needed to do this. Finally she disarmed him. "I guess you can't handle a fair fight," she spat as she flung his wand back at him.

"Class dismissed!" Prewett called out. "Ms. Evans stay behind please!" Once everyone was gone he turned to her. "What was that?" he demanded. "I just wanted a simple demonstration of disarming an opponent. You toyed with him and purposely tried to cause him pain! I hope you have a very good reason or I'll be forced to give you detention. You could lose your badge for this!"

"He's a deatheater Professor! I know it!" she told him.

"I highly doubt that you-know-who wouldn't take someone still in school! Do you have any proof?" he asked.

"Please believe me!" she pleaded. "He was there- there that night. I recognized his voice!"

The professor's expression softened. He had been made aware of the attack on her family. Most of her teachers had. "I'll talk to the headmaster about it," he promised. "You're dismissed."

Lily walked out of the classroom and was startled to find the marauders waiting there. "How much did you hear?" she asked wearily.

"A bit," Remus admitted.

"But not everything," Peter added.

"That was bloody brilliant by the way, the duel I mean," Sirius chimed in.

"Thanks," she muttered.

"I'm sorry Evans," James said uncomfortably. "I got too angry with you a few days ago. We need to be able to work together and not fight. Truce?" he asked.

She bit her lip and then smiled. "Sure. It's Lily by the way, James," she said before walking away.

"Bye Lily!" James yelled out.

"Bye James!" she called back without turning around. If she had then he would have seen a huge grin on her face and she would have noticed a matching one on his.

* * *

The next few weeks passed Lily by in a blur. There was an immense amount of schoolwork. Lily, who was widely known as the top student, was even having some trouble keeping up. She had grown closer to the marauders since they were almost always in the head common room with her. James kept his word and tried his hardest to be polite. Lily found that he could actually be a decent person at times. He still flirted with tons of girls, but Lily was grateful that he had stopped teasing her. He tried to hide it, but she knew he was still pulling pranks left and right. Hopefully now that he was in charge, he at least felt a tiny amount of guilt.

The first quidditch match of the season had been Hufflepuff against Slytherin. Lily hadn't bothered to go. She really wasn't into sports or huge crowds. James had of course come back from the match furious that 'those slimy snakes' had obliterated the Hufflepuffs. "They cheated of course!" James insisted, and Lily was inclined to believe him.

Now it was time for the Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw game. Lily was once again not planning on going. She hadn't seen a full quidditch match since 1st year. Of course now that the marauders were better friends with her, they had to do something about it.

"Hey Lily!" Remus greeted her as he sidled up next to her walking down the hall. "What's new?"

Lily glanced at him and kept going. "Nothing, I'm just about to head down to the library. How about you?"

"Well…I'm going to a certain quidditch match and I'm about to force a certain someone to come along with me!"

"No Remus!" she rolled her eyes. "Quidditch is boring."

He mocked gasped. "Blasphemy! Come one! Don't you want to go see Sirius and James play?" he asked.

"Um no?" Lily replied.

"That's it! Drastic times call for drastic measures!" Remus grabbed her arm and forcefully pulled her towards the pitch.

"Ack! Remus stop! Slow down!" Lily yelled. He was pushing through the crowd and she kept slamming into things. Finally he had taken her up to the Gryffindor box. Peter had saved seats for them in the front.

"Took you guys long enough!" Peter grumbled as he moved over for them.

Lily sat down and looked around her. The quidditch pitch was huge but didn't look nearly as daunting as it did back in 1st year. She could vaguely make out a bunch of familiar looking faces in the other boxes. The game was surprisingly entertaining. She enjoyed watching Sirius and James play. Okay- so it was mostly James, but whatever. He was the only guy who had ever really flirted with her, even though he was kidding, and for some reason she just couldn't help but take notice of him. Finally the game was over. Gryffindor had won 230-110. Lily stood up and cheered loudly.

Remus glanced sideways at her in amusement. "You know for someone who hates quidditch, you sure can cheer," he commented.

She blushed slightly. "Well, it wasn't as boring as I thought."

"Or maybe you just liked watching a certain player?" Remus said knowingly.

"No!" she denied quickly. "Come on! Let's go down and meet them!" she changed the subject pulling the two Gryffindor boys from their seats. It was slow moving through the crowd but eventually they reached the locker rooms. The quidditch teams had both just come out. James and Sirius smiled as they saw Lily and their two friends heading towards them, though they had yet to spot them. Suddenly, a guy came and grabbed her hand, pulling her away from Remus and Peter's arms. Sirius rolled his eyes and James scowled.

"What are you doing?" Lily hissed frantically at the boy once they had reached somewhere quieter. It was Davy Gudgeon from her ancient runes class.

"This," he said. He pressed his lips firmly against hers. Lily was thoroughly startled. Her eyes were wide open. It was an awkward sort of feeling, her first kiss. She forced herself to relax into it a little and closed her eyes. Eventually it ended.

"Erm thanks?" Lily said blankly, hardly believing what had just happened.

He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, it's just that I've been noticing you lately, you know around with James and his friends. I just really got the urge to kiss you."

"Oh, ok," She replied still bewildered.

"It was exactly what I expected," he informed her.

"And what did you expect?" she asked with a raised eyebrow as she gained control of herself.

"You know- lips touching lips, maybe a bit of tongue," Davy answered.

"Well I'm glad I lived up to your expectations," Lily informed him with a giggle. She could hardly believe it! Someone was interested in her! Lily, the girl with the body of a 13 year old!

"Well, I've got to get going," he said shuffling his feet. "My house is going to be calling me a traitor for kissing the house we just lost to!"

"You played well," Lily assured him.

"Thanks," he smiled. "See you in class!" With another brief kiss on the lips he jogged away to catch up with the mob of students.

Lily practically skipped back up to the head common room. A goofy grin was plastered on her face. As she prepared to enter, she tried gaining control over her facial expression. Saying the password, she immediately flopped herself down on the couch in the empty room.

'I just got kissed…I just got kissed…**I just got kissed**!' The words reverberated through Lily's mind. 'It's about time,' she mused, 'I was dreading graduating and never having been thoroughly snogged. He probably was a good pick for a first time. I'm not head over heels for him so I wasn't completely nervous. He took me by surprise so I didn't have time to start shaking…why did he do it though? Does he actually like me? He said he noticed me hanging out with James and his friends. I guess he thought I had status.' Lily snorted. 'Yah right! Heh, I may be Head Girl, but people aren't exactly falling over themselves to befriend me.' Suddenly a new worry spread to Lily's mind. 'Did I do it right? He seemed to like it, I suppose…Gah! What's he going to do next time I see him? He doesn't think we're dating does he? I've never had a boyfriend before. I don' think I could handle a relationship!' Lily started feeling sick to her stomach the more she thought about it.

She forced herself to calm her racing thoughts and to take her mind off of it she began reading a book. Every few moments or so though Lily would stop, and a smile would spread across her face. She had been kissed! It probably wasn't a big deal to him, but it meant everything to her. She was pretty relieved that she had gotten it over with. 'Stop!' she told herself. 'You're acting like a giggly schoolgirl…wait I am a giggly schoolgirl. Oh well that's ok then.'

She dropped her book and turned on the radio. She began dancing around the room. She was self-conscious about doing it in front of other people, but no one was here, and she was in entirely too good of a mood.

Suddenly the music turned off and Lily spun around. The marauders were standing there smirking. Sirius and James began clapping.

"Encore!" Sirius shouted out.

"Oh, Brava!" Remus put in.

"Excellent dancing skills!" Peter exclaimed.

Lily was mortified. "How long have you guys been standing there?" she asked weakly. Her face resembled a tomato.

"A solid two minutes," Remus answered chuckling.

"You know Lillers, those were some serious dance moves. You should bust them out more often!" Sirius teased.

"You looked happy," James observed. "Did something happen?"

Lily blushed. She couldn't tell them _that_! They'd make fun of her for sure. "Oh I was just excited that Gryffindor won," she responded way too nonchalantly.

"And where exactly did you run off to after the game?" Sirius asked waggling his eyebrows.

"No where," Lily replied calmly. "I just came back here. No one was around."

"Funny," Peter said dumbly, "I could've sworn I saw you go off with Davy Gudgeon."

Sirius swooned with a hand over his heart, "No Evans say it isn't so! You were consorting with the enemy!"

Lily smirked at his dramatics. "He didn't seem like such an enemy to me," she answered slyly.

"Lillian Evans!" Remus gasped. "And what exactly were you doing with said Ravenclaw?"

"Nothing that would interest you," Lily said rolling her eyes.

"Yah you're probably right!" Sirius said plopping down on the couch. Peter and James followed his actions.

Remus came up to her and spoke quietly. "I'm glad to see you so happy. You know, I was worried about you for a while."

Lily smiled and kissed him on the cheek impulsively. "Thanks you're sweet. But I'm fine, really!" she insisted. She took her leave from the room and exited through the portrait hole. If she had looked back she would have seen Peter and Sirius making suggestive faces and kissing noises towards Remus who was rolling his eyes at his friend's immaturity. James wore a small frown on his face, but quickly wiped it away before Moony could notice.


	5. Chapter 5

PART V

It was Halloween and the first Hogsmeade weekend of the school year. All of the marauders had dates, even Peter. So Lily had nothing to do. The situation with Davy had not panned out well. He treated her like nothing had happened, and though she was slightly crushed, she moved on. Lily didn't like him that much anyway.

It was Saturday, and since no one over the age of 13 was in the castle, Lily decided to get a head start on her homework. She walked down over towards the library. She found it slightly creepy. As much as she loved Hogwarts, walking around a dark castle by yourself in complete silence can be a bit scary.

She hurried along the corridors when all of a sudden her bag split. It was a tad overstuffed. Lily had a tendency to shove more things in than she really needed. She just always wanted to be prepared. She sighed and repaired her bag. She was struggling to cram everything back in. Then she smacked herself on the forehead. They had learned shrinking charms last year! And here she was trying to do it the muggle way. 'Old habits die hard,' she thought with a shrug.

Suddenly, a pair of rough hands came from behind. One was covering her mouth and the other encircled her waste. Lily tried to pull herself away, but the grip was too strong. Lily's book bag lay on the floor and everything spilled out. Her screams were muffled, not that anyone was nearby anyway. Somehow the pair of hands brought her all the way down to a back room in the dungeons, Lily struggling viciously the entire way.

Finally the hands let go abruptly. She fell to the floor. "Who are you?" she demanded. Everything was in shadows, and Lily couldn't tell who had released her.

"You mean the mudblood doesn't know something?" the stranger sneered stepping forward out of the shadows.

"We?" Lily asked, her heart dropping all the way into her stomach. She recognized the young man as Avery.

"That's right!" He grinned eerily. More people stepped out of the shadows. Rosier, Wilkes, Snape, Regulus, and Rodolphus all walked closer, leering at her.

Lily's eyes widened. Seeing Rodolphus here was not a good sign, not at all. He probably wanted a rematch after that last duel. And he had brought along a few of his friends to participate. "What do you want?" she asked, not quite managing to control the waver in her voice.

"Your blood," he replied nastily. "Our lord was most displeased that you lived. He told us to dispose of you when the opportunity arose, but see, we decided that a quick death was entirely too kind for you, the biggest mudblood in existence. Regulus!" he barked. "Why don't you start? You still need to hone your skills after all."

Regulus nodded slightly, and the others backed off. Lily felt a chill run down her spine as she realized how much he looked like Sirius. She knew that Sirius didn't get along with his family, that they were dark, and that he had a brother. But she hadn't realized how extreme the case was, how real his conflict with his relatives had been.

Lily expected him to draw a wand and was startled and horrified when instead a knife was revealed instead. "There's detection for the unforgivables and most dark magic here," Rodolphus called out from the back. "We thought it would be more… entertaining if we did it the muggle way."

There was no possible way that Lily could have braced herself for the coming pain. Several shallow slashes made their way across her stomach, glistening slightly with blood. Slowly, more cuts were made all over her. "How sad," Rosier said sarcastically. "Her clothes are ruined."

The deatheaters exchanged nasty grins. "Might as well take them off then," Wilkes said in a logical voice.

Lily looked into all of their eyes, unmistakably panicked. She noted that Severus looked slightly uncomfortable and inwardly smiled. She had always known that she was right about him. He wasn't like the rest of the Slytherins. He just wanted friends and recognition, not to torture, kill, and rape for power.

With a flick of his wand, Rodolphus banished her clothes. Lily desperately tried to cover herself up, but the wounds on her stomach were making it difficult for her to move.

They all looked at her closely. "Where are her boobs?" Wilkes asked cruelly.

Rosier snorted. "Right there," he said stepping forward and making a grab for her. "They're just barely noticeable. I think my 10 year old cousin has more cleavage than her, and he's a guy." The others laughed loudly.

Lily tried shifting closer to the door. She was mortified, cold, and in pain, but she still had hope. _Someone_ had to find her! Or maybe she could somehow get away.

Regulus blocked her way with something almost unreadable in his eyes- could it be regret? But no, it was gone a second later. "I'm so sorry!" he told her insincerely, "But you can't leave just quite yet."

Rodolphus came forward from the back. "Ok! I'm getting bored," he announced. "I never was much good with just watching," he added. He dragged Lily to the center of the room by her leg. She kicked furiously, but for all her effort, he didn't seem the least bit affected.

Lily's eye widened and she tried to struggle even more as he began his next move. Her legs were pinned down by his, and he was slowly working her knees apart with his cold and rough hands. She flinched as he made a light trail up her thigh with his fingertips. "I own you, Evans," he muttered. "You're nothing but a filthy mudblood, a speck of dirt. His fingernails dug in and scratched from the top of her thigh down to her knee leaving bloody red marks. "You think you're something, but you're not. Quit living in our world; you don't belong."

Snape stepped forward. "Are you going to shag her?" he asked loudly.

A revolted look crossed his face. "No," he spat, looking disgusted at the idea. Lily almost sighed in relief. "I don't want my dick in that," he continued nodding towards the girl below him. "Although…" he trailed off, and Lily stared at him uncertainly. _What was he playing at? _

Lily knew in the next moment as she jerked forward. A finger had entered her roughly. She was a small girl, and his hand was by no means, tiny. She couldn't suppress a whimper as he twisted around his finger and slipped another in. Lily automatically clenched around it. Something was ripping. It hurt so much. Tears trailed down Lily's cheeks, and the others all stood around and laughed. Lily was too distracted to notice that two of the young men were not chuckling quite as loud or surely as the others.

"Hmm, men," he called out as he pulled himself away from the girl. "It looks like we've got a virgin here. I can't say I'm surprised." He smacked Lily across the face and spat on her.

Again she tried to pull herself up and make a break for it. She stopped as the blade of the knife cut down her arm. She convulsively gripped the bloody limb. This cut was much deeper. She was thrown heedlessly onto the floor. Her head hit stone and Lily heard a loud crack that echoed throughout the walls. 'Someone had to have heard that!' she thought desperately.

The others apparently thought the same thing since they looked around at each other uneasily. Suddenly footsteps could be heard, and Lily's heart soared. Someone was here! The door flung open. "Get out of here!" a girl's voice hissed. "You've been at it too long! People are starting to come back! They're sure to have heard that thud!"

"Thanks Bella," Rodolphus told her. "Let's leave, before we're caught," he told his peers. "But first!" he turned to Lily, "A parting gift." He grabbed the knife from Rosier, and Lily realized he had been the one who had thrown her down. The knife sunk into Lily's leg, and she tried to scream, but found her throat clogged by a cloth. He withdrew the knife. "Don't want to leave any evidence," he informed her with a smirk. He bound her arms together with the same type of cloth, which Lily recognized as her uniform. He didn't even bother with her legs. She wouldn't be moving any time soon. Then the Slytherins all filed out of the room.

Lily waited for what seemed like ages. No one came. Lily felt cold despite all of the warm blood around her. How long would it take for someone to notice her disappearance, to find her? Would anyone even miss her? Finally her breathing slowed and she couldn't cling on the consciousness any longer.

* * *

James rolled his eyes as he gave his date a goodbye kiss. He had asked her out, because she looked so hot. Her hair was a honey blonde color and she was tanned and toned nicely. Unfortunately, she seemed to only contain half of a brain. He was getting sick of dating the same old stupid witches. They were great for certain things, but anytime he tried to discuss something with them, it went right over their heads.

He jogged over towards the other marauders, who had just ended their dates as well. "How were your dates?" he asked.

"Mine wasn't the brightest crayon in the box if you know what I mean," Remus said with a shrug.

The others looked at him blankly. "No I don't," James told him. "What's a crayon?"

Remus sighed but just gestured for the others to speak.

Peter made a face, "She was alright, but she made it pretty clear that she was in it just for the status of dating one of us. I told her she picked the wrong marauder," he chuckled darkly.

"My girl was fantastic!" Sirius declared. "Completely amazing."

Remus arched an eyebrow at him. "And her name was…"

"Debbie?" Sirius guessed. "No! Danielle. Wait maybe it started with a J…Jaclyn? Jessica?"

"She sounds wonderful," James interrupted dryly. "But let's just head back to the castle. I'm bored."

The others agreed and walked up to the castle, stopping at the heads' room. They walked in expecting to find Lily, but saw her nowhere.

"Maybe she went down to Hogsmeade?" Sirius suggested doubtfully.

"More like she's in the library," James replied smirking.

"Oh yes, the library. Horrid place," Sirius mock shuddered.

"Let's go down and bug her!" James exclaimed. Remus smiled slightly as his friend's obvious desire to see the Head Girl.

Before anyone could say anything James and Sirius charged out of the room yelling war cries. Peter and Remus just shrugged and went to follow their slightly insane friends.

Sirius ran heedlessly ahead without watching where he was going, and so no one was surprised when he tripped and flew several feet. The other 3 marauders burst out laughing.

"Walk much?" Remus asked his fallen friend sarcastically.

"You would've tripped too!" Sirius responded defending himself. "Some mean person left their bag in the middle of the corridor!"

The others turned and sure enough there was a bag there. Books and quills were haphazardly lying around it. James looked closer. "That's Lily's!" he announced shocked.

The others quickly caught up with James and began investigating the scene. "Someone must've grabbed her," Remus said breathlessly. "That's the only possible reason I can think of."

The marauders looked at each other grimly. "Let's get the map!" Sirius yelled out. The others nodded in agreement and all ran back to James' room, which was where the map was currently located.

After quickly saying the password, James' eyes darted all over the map. "She's in the dungeon," he finally said shakily. "Follow me!" Everyone complied, and they ran straight down to the dungeon, taking several sharp turns and going down an innumerable amount of staircases. Finally panting for breath he stopped outside a door. "She's in there," he finally got out, pointing at the door. The others nodded and barged in.

Everyone gasped at what they saw. Lily was laid out on the floor, her arms tied above her head. Blood covered her, but they could still clearly see that she was naked. A dark bruise had begun to form on her cheek, and a small circle of blood surrounded her head. James fell to his knees without even realizing it.

"Is she…alive?" he whispered.

Remus cautiously approached her and felt her neck for a pulse. "Yes," he finally said, "but barely. We need to get her some help."

The next several minutes were a blur, but Sirius later told James that he had wordlessly picked Lily up and raced up to the hospital wing, not even getting breathless. All James knew was that he had to get her to Madame Pomfrey as soon as possible.

"Madame Pomfrey!" He yelled frantically. "HELP! Get out here!"

She came bustling out. "What is the meaning of this? This is a hospital wing you know…" she trailed off as she saw whom James was holding. "Put her down," she ordered instantly, pointing towards the closest bed. James complied. "Go get Professor McGonagall and the headmaster, please." Madame Pomfrey quickly pulled out her wand and shooed him out, blocking the infirmary doors so that he couldn't come in and distract her. Then she turned to the body in front of her. She had a lot of work to do.

Several hours later Lily woke up extremely sore and once again in a hospital gown. Dumbledore, Pomfrey, and McGonagall were standing over her in the hospital wing.

"So I guess you found me after all," Lily croaked out jokingly.

"Who did this to you?" McGonagall asked sharply.

Lily looked away. "Deatheaters," she murmured.

"Who?" Dumbledore asked tiredly, the usual twinkle absent from his eyes.

She looked up at the three adults in front of her, scrutinizing them and seeing if she should tell them. "Avery, Evan Rosier, Wilkes, Snape, and Regulus did, sir. Rodolphus was leading them, and Bellatrix was look out."

"This is preposterous!" McGonagall snapped. "They have to be expelled!"

Dumbledore looked like the old man he truly was for a moment. "Nothing can be done. I've already spoken with the Slytherins. They all have alibis and witnesses. It was extremely well planned and thought out."

"How bad am I?" Lily asked changing the subject before McGonagall blew her top.

Madame Pomfrey looked at the girl before her sadly. "You had several cuts on your body, the largest being the one on your thigh, as well as the scratches. You received a blow to the back of your head, but no major damage happened because you got here so quickly. There was minor bruising, that I cleared up. Also…" she drifted off uneasily and shot a glance at the other two adults. They took the hint and excused themselves.

"There was some tearing in the vaginal area. Please answer honestly. Were you sexually abused?" the nurse asked carefully.

Lily looked down and took her time in answering. "Yes…"

"Is there a chance of pregnancy?"

"Oh no!" Lily denied. "They didn't do _that_. Wait…will I have scars from this?" Lily asked fearfully. She wasn't an extremely vain girl, but honestly, no one wanted to have to deal with a scar.

"Most of them should fade," Madame Pomfrey informed her, and Lily felt a load of relief. "Although I think that the deep one on your thigh is never going to go away completely. You're very lucky you know. If James had brought you in a moment later you could have died from blood loss."

"James brought me in?" Lily screeched. Oh my lord! He had seen her naked. This was definitely the worst day of her life, besides that one over the summer.

"Yes. He was frantic, dear. I've never seen him so scared. His friends were right behind him," she told her, oblivious to her patient's discomfort. "Ugh! Here I am talking to you when you should be resting! I'll leave you to recuperate!" She left, and Lily was alone.

She stared at the ceiling for quite a while, and before she knew it, she had gone back to sleep. Nightmares filled her slumber, and after a particularly harsh one she jerked awake, only to find people standing over her bed.

"What is with you people and watching me sleep?" Lily grumbled. She finally recognized the four figures in front of her as the marauders. She blushed and looked away from James. "Thanks for saving me," she said shyly.

"Are you ok?" Remus asked concerned.

She looked up and smiled slightly at him. "I'm fine," she assured him.

"No you're not!" James burst out. "You look horrible!"

"Please stop. Your compliments are making me blush," Lily remarked dryly.

James opened his mouth to respond, but Sirius cut him off. "Who did this?" he demanded.

Lily looked at him but couldn't find it in her heart to tell him that his brother had taken part in the activities. "Some Slytherins," she responded vaguely.

"Why?" Peter asked. "Why did they choose you?"

"I'm sure they had their reasons." Lily didn't want to tell them about the attack on her over the summer. She noticed then how pale James looked and how red his eyes were. "Are you ok?" she asked him.

He smiled bitterly. "Aren't I supposed to be asking you that?"

"I already told you I was fine," she said impatiently. "But you look like a wreck, and you weren't even the one who was se- assaulted." She had almost said sexually assaulted. She hoped no one noticed her slip up. That really was affecting her more than the other pains she had. Lily had dealt with those types of pain before over the summer, but she was very protective of her body when it came to sexual things. She had only just had her first kiss for Merlin's sake. What Rodolphus had done to her, she hadn't expected to happen for quite a long time.

James shook his head. "I'm ok. It just brought back memories of my parents for some reason."

Lily was relieved that he hadn't noticed her change of wording, but that feeling soon faded as Remus looked at her curiously.

"What were you about to say before you cut yourself off?" he asked.

"Nothing. It was just a slip of the tongue," Lily lied easily.

"Right…" he said, but still looked at her suspiciously. "So what are your injuries?" he questioned.

"Just a few bruises, scratches, and cuts," Lily answered nonchalantly. "I asked Madame Pomfrey and she said that most of them won't scar."

"Most?" James asked sharply.

"Well, one was really deep. It cut straight down as opposed to the others, which just went across slightly.

"Where is it?" Sirius asked bluntly. "I don't see anything that looks like it hasn't been mostly gotten rid of." Remus smacked him in the back of the head when he saw Lily color.

"Well, it's not some place extremely visible," she informed them carefully.

"What?" James yelped. "Who did it? I'll kill him. It was a Slytherin right? Never mind, I'll just kill them all…" he began ranting.

"Chill Potter," she told him calmly. "The scar is on my leg." She didn't specify how high up or how far in it was.

"But you were naked when we found you!" Peter said. "Are you trying to say that they _didn't_ do anything?"

"I'm not saying anything other than the fact that it's none of your business," Lily responded coldly.

"Did my brother do it?" Sirius asked quietly, sounding as if he was in pain. It was his younger brother, and they had been close when they were younger. It wasn't until Sirius turned 11 and Regulus 10 that they began to grow apart.

Lily couldn't deny it, and Sirius seemed to get the unspoken confirmation. "If it helps, he looked a bit unsure of himself, like maybe he regretted doing it," she told him softly.

"Then there's still a piece of the brother I knew left in him."


	6. Chapter 6

PART VI

A few days later, Lily was out of the hospital wing. She was avoiding pretty much everyone she knew. The Slytherins were sending her death glares; the marauders were getting suspicious, and everyone else kept asking her where she had been.

The visible injuries had faded, minus the scar, but the emotional wounds were still fresh. This attack had dredged up previous emotions that Lily had thought she had already worked through.

Halloween had long since passed, but she had missed the feast, trapped in the hospital wing. Lily was feeling the gnawing pain of loneliness. She'd never admit it, but she missed hanging out with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. They were the closest things she'd had to friends in quite a while. It had been so long since she could freely talk with them or anyone.

It was nearing Christmas, and students were frantically piecing together their homework as well as presents. Lily was staying at school over the holidays. She wanted to savor her final year. This way she'd at least see some of her schoolmates who were staying. If she went back to her flat, she'd spend the whole time alone.

She was sitting in the head common room doing her homework, when all of a sudden the portrait door swung open and in entered the marauders who were laughing loudly. She immediately packed up her things and moved to go to her room.

"Wait," James said touching her arm. "Don't go." She flinched as his hand touched her. "You need to talk about what happened. Stop avoiding us!"

Lily made a move to go, but saw that all of them were blocking any exits. She sighed and sat down on a scarlet-red cushy chair. "Can't you just leave me alone?" she asked tiredly.

"Sorry! No can do!" Sirius replied cheerfully.

"Can you try?"

"Lily!" James exclaimed. "We're trying to help you! We know basically nothing about the attack, except for when we saved you."

"Fine!" Lily snapped. "You want to hear what happened?" they all nodded their heads. "One of them grabbed me and dragged me down into the dungeons. They told me they couldn't use very dark magic or the unforgivables in the castle, and that they were going to do it the muggle way. They cut me up with a knife, mocked me, and hit me around a bit. I tried to escape several times, but they kept throwing me back in. After a while I hit the ground so hard, that there was a huge thud. Their look-out warned them that people were coming, and they left after tying me up and stabbing my leg," Lily finished in a monotone voice. It helped to separate herself from what had happened.

"I'm so sorry," Remus said finally. "You shouldn't have had to go through that."

"Why did they choose you though?" Sirius questioned. "There are plenty of muggleborns who people wouldn't notice were gone for longer."

She hesitated. "I think they had multiple reasons. One was to get me back for my duel with Lestrange. Also, I'm a muggleborn that everyone knows now. It would cause more panic if I turned up dead. And they did spot me walking alone when everyone else was in Hogsmeade, so it was easy to get me," she listed off logically.

The boys shifted uneasily. "Listen Lily. We should've been there. We're sorry we didn't stop it," James told her sincerely.

"Don't be ridiculous!" Lily snorted. "You have your own lives that don't include me. It's not your responsibility to protect me."

"You're right," Peter agreed, and the other boys shot him nasty looks. "It's no ones fault but the Slytherins," he finished, and the other three marauders relaxed.

"Is that everything that happened?" Remus asked inquisitively.

"More or less," Lily squirmed, _Heavy on the less._

"Lily did they do anything to you…" he seemed to be trying to phrase it correctly. "Did they make advances towards you that you couldn't stop?" he asked seriously.

Should she tell them? One less secret would be nice. "Yes," she muttered embarrassedly. Upon looking up at Sirius's pained faced she added. "Don't worry, it wasn't Regulus."

"Did they rape you?" Peter asked curiously.

Remus hit him upside the head. "Have you no tact?" he hissed.

Lily smiled slightly. "No it's ok. Did they shag me? No. Did they do some other things to me to embarrass me? Yes."

James looked ready to spit fire, but at the same time heartbroken. "Who did it?" he demanded.

"I'm not going to tell you," she said coolly. "You'd just go out and do something stupid."

"How can you protect them?" he yelled. "After what they did to you, they deserve everything they get."

"And they'll get what they deserve," Lily replied evenly, "Eventually."

She exited the room while she had the chance. Lily couldn't decide where to go. Usually she would choose the library, but she hadn't been spending much time there since her abduction. Finally, she settled on sitting with her back against a tree overlooking the lake. She sat and played with her jean pockets for a while before glancing around. It was peaceful and calm, sunny and bright. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the atmosphere in silence.

After several minutes she felt a warm body sit down next to her. She opened her eyes and recognized the person as Davy. "Hey," she said smiling slightly.

"Hi," he replied with little grin of his own. "So how've you been? I haven't really talked with you lately." One of his legs was pressed against hers, and she smirked slightly as she noticed him moving his hands slowly. He thought he was being cool, and that she wasn't noticing his movements.

"I've been avoiding everyone," she confessed. "Ever since I ended up in the hospital wing, everyone's wanted to know what happened, and I really don't feel like telling them." His arm on his thigh, and since their legs were so close it was partially on hers too.

"That's understandable," he said agreeably. "I wouldn't want to talk about the details either." His hand was on her knee. Lily felt uncomfortable but didn't know how to respond, so she ignored it.

"Yup, so here I am, being a loner," she joked. His hand went up a little bit higher.

"No you're not, I'm here," he smiled bigger. His hand began lightly stroking her and made its way up a little higher and slightly more towards her inner thigh.

Lily's heart was beating rapidly. He was being dangerously flirtatious. The last time someone was that "close" to her, she had been hurt badly. He was rubbing her scar without knowing it. "Yes you are" she commented. "Though I'm not sure if I want you to be," she added in an undertone.

"Excuse me?" he asked. "I didn't catch the last thing you said." His hand continued lightly stroking her inner thigh, and she had to work very hard to maintain her nonchalant stance.

"Never mind," she shook her head. "It doesn't matter." His hand slid up to her stomach where her shirt had ridden up on the side. His hand was warm, and Lily couldn't decided if she was disappointed that he had moved or relieved.

"Alright," he said reluctantly. "I should go. I'll talk to you later," he stood up slowly and walked back into the castle, leaving Lily to ponder what had just happened.

'Merlin! He was being friendly. Why though? Why would he like me? I'm small and not particularly pretty or outgoing. He made me feel hot though, like someone could like me. He was being kind of creepy though. He hasn't talked to me since he kissed me, and now he's feeling me up! Davy must just be really weird or desperate. That's got to be it. I just seem like easy prey for him.'

Lily walked back into the castle. She really needed someone to talk to. Keeping everything to herself- not just the recent attack but everything- was driving her up the wall. Who could she talk to? James? No, That would be way too awkward. She was always nervous around him. Peter? No, he wouldn't know what to say. Sirius? No, despite his name he could not hold a serious conversation. So that left Remus. She could trust him.

She made her way to Gryffindor tower and found him in the common room, finishing up a charms essay. He looked up and saw her. "Hey can I talk to you?" she asked nervously.

"Sure," he put down his quill. "Is here okay?"

"Well…" she hesitated. "I'd rather go somewhere where I know no one can overhear us."

"Follow me." He brought her up to the 7th year dorms. "Is something wrong?" he asked concerned.

She spilled everything about Davy, all of her hopes, fears, nervousness, and the fact that he was her first kiss. "I'm sorry this is really a girl conversation, but I don't have any of them to talk to," Lily finished. "You just seem cool enough to be able to talk to."

He nodded as if saying that it was fine. "Do you like him or do you like someone else?" he probed.

"Why would you think that I liked someone else? I didn't mention anyone else," she replied sharply.

"I thought that you liked James."

"James?" she laughed a little forcedly. "I'd never like him! He always made fun of me!"

"What do you mean?" Remus asked bewildered.

"He'd ask me out or pretend to hit on me just to see my reaction! He thought it was funny!"

"Oh, well I think he meant it a little," Remus responded diplomatically.

"He didn't," Lily sighed. "Or else he wouldn't have gone out with all of those other girls."

"Are you admitting that you care?" he asked sharply.

"Of course not!" she vehemently denied. "I don't like him or Davy!"

"So you don't like Davy yet you kissed him?"

She blushed brightly. "It feels…I don't know, nice to be wanted. And he's the only guy who's ever wanted me."

"I'm sure that's not true," Remus assured her distractedly. He couldn't help but remember all of the times he had caught the look on James' face when Lily wasn't looking. Those two really had to get together. They'd balance each other out perfectly. "Are you going home for the holidays?" he asked.

"No, I don't really want to spend the holidays in an empty apartment."

"You won't be with your family?"

"My parents are unavailable, and my sister and I don't get along," Lily explained evasively. "What about you?"

"I'm not sure yet. I wouldn't be doing anything special at home, and this _is_ our last year. James and Sirius are staying, but Peter mentioned something about spending time with some of his other friends."

"Stay!" Lily begged. "Don't leave me alone with them. I'll go insane!"

He smiled. "Fine, I couldn't subject you to that."

"Great! So it's settled. You're staying with me for my sanity's sake."

* * *

Winter break came upon them quickly. A small cluster of students was staying at the school. They either had nowhere else to go or needed to stay at the safest place in the country. Lily had bought presents for the marauders consisting of their favorite types of candy. She glumly realized that she'd be receiving nothing this year. Her parents used to send her all of her presents, but now they were gone.

Lily was spending more time with the marauders once again. She hung out with Remus the most since Peter was always gone, and Sirius and James were always off together. 'It's weird,' she mused to herself. 'I'm so nervous around guys and so inexperienced, yet the people who I spend the most time around- who I guess you could say I'm friends with- are guys.'

She went outside to join the other students in a massive snowball fight. She breathed in and paused to take notice of her surroundings. The crisp air was filled with falling snowflakes. Hogwarts looked absolutely gorgeous covered in snow, a regular winter wonderland. Rosy-cheeked teens were running around and laughing. Lily couldn't help but smile as she took in the scene. She loved winter.

Suddenly she was hit unexpectedly in the back of the head. She turned around and faced Sirius who was grinning at her and waving. She glared at him and shook her fist in his direction mockingly. She gathered a pile of snow hastily and threw it right back at him.

"This means war!" he yelled out dramatically. Suddenly Remus and James came up next to him, each holding a snowball of their own. They tried their hardest to look intimidating, and Lily couldn't help but laugh.

"No fair!" she squealed. "I'll still win though," she taunted them as she gathered some snow once more. She darted from tree to tree, furiously dodging the icy masses coming her way. Lily was quite proud that she had managed to hit all three of them several times.

Their fun in the snow lasted for a few hours before they got completely tired out. The three marauders collapsed onto the snow in a heap. Lily took her chance and with an unusually reckless feeling, she leaped on top of them.

"Oof!" the boys groaned. James picked her up off of himself and placed her next to him. Lily's heart raced as she felt the warmth of his touch. "You know, you're lucky you're so small, or else we'd be pretty angry that you tried to smoosh us," he told her.

"You mean it didn't work?" she mock pouted. "Fine. I'll go try and gain a ton of weight and then when you least expect it- bam! You'll be goners."

Sirius smirked evilly. "Why waste time? I happen to know this nifty little spell…" He took out his wand and muttered an incantation that Lily couldn't hear. The next thing she knew her clothes were a lot tighter fitting, almost to the point of ripping. She looked down at herself and screamed. She couldn't see her feet. Her stomach was too large.

"What did you do?" she yelled.

Remus and James cracked up. "No worries! It'll wear off soon," Sirius replied. "Until then, enjoy."

Lily frowned and looked herself over. "Hmm so this is what is feels like to have boobs," she joked. "No comments from the peanut gallery!" she warned with narrowed eyes as Sirius opened his mouth. "Well since I have the chance…" she trailed off and looked deviously at the marauder responsible for her condition. She jumped on him.

"Merlin woman!" he howled. "I can't breathe!"

She bounced lightly on him, making him cringe. "Enjoying it?" she smirked. "Because I am." He looked completely pained at the huge amount of weight on him. She was sitting on him and since she was so wide, Lily took up a good portion of his legs and stomach. Sirius was trying to push her off, but his efforts were futile.

Lily continued bouncing around and causing him pain. She didn't seem to realize that the spell was wearing off. "Now this I enjoy," he stopped struggling and grinned. She had shrunk down to her normal size and she was moving around on his er- upper legs and lower stomach.

She shrieked, and James pulled her off before she could remove herself. "I'm so embarrassed," she cried as she buried her head into James sleeve. If she had been able to see the others than she would have noticed Remus smiling happily, Sirius grinning and slightly aroused, and James glaring at his friend and standing with Lily protectively. She pulled away. "Sorry about that," she blushed as she pulled herself off of James and brushed off the snow on his sleeve.

"It's fine," James replied gruffly. "Why don't we go inside?" he suggested. The others agreed.

"Ooh! Let's get hot chocolate!" Lily said. She was feeling very out of character. The cold had left her feeling energized and hyper. She grabbed Remus' arm and pulled him towards the castle.

James looked after her with a far away look in his eyes. "Merlin she's something," he murmured amusedly.

Sirius chose to let his friend have a quiet moment and not comment.

* * *

Christmas dawned bright and early a few days later. Lily groaned as she opened her eyes and saw the sunlight streaming in through the window above her desk. She checked her clock and saw that it was 8 a.m. Lily used to love Christmas. It meant so much to her to spend time with her family who she seldom saw and take part in the familiar traditions. It was all ruined now- all lost. There was nothing she could do to get it back.

Eventually she pulled herself out of her bed and self-pity to go downstairs. She had to eat after all. Lily walked out and was mildly surprised to see James as well as Remus and Sirius sitting together with piles of presents. "You brought your presents up here?" Lily asked Remus and Sirius incredulously.

"Well, it's tradition that we open up our presents together," Remus explained.

"Oh," Lily replied. She awkwardly changed the subject. "Well I'm going down to breakfast. See you lot later." She began walking towards the door.

"Wait!" Sirius called. "You haven't opened yours yet! You can't ignore presents!" he exclaimed.

Lily turned startled. "I have presents?" she asked curiously. Sure enough there was a small cluster of packages off to the side of the marauders' massive piles. She grinned at the unexpected gifts and immediately sat down.

They watched her reaction as she opened her 4 presents. Peter had gotten her some chocolate frogs, Sirius some pumpkin pasties, Remus a large book on interesting defense tactics, and James a matching jewelry set that she figured one of his dates had picked out. "Aw thanks you guys!" she said and hugged them all.

"How come your family didn't send you any?" Sirius asked curiously and rather bluntly.

"How come yours didn't?" Lily responded coldly, knowing very well why he hadn't received any.

"Lily!" Remus admonished. "That wasn't fair. He just wanted to know."

"The only family I have I don't get along with," Lily finally said.

"I've met your parents though!" James protested. "They seemed cool, and they had good taste. They liked me after all," he added arrogantly.

Lily snorted as she remembered the time that James had come up to her parents after school had ended and the Hogwarts Express had pulled in. He had proceeded to embarrass Lily immensely in front of her parents. He introduced himself as the love of her life and informed them that he thought she was one hot witch. Then James flirted exaggeratedly with her, before leaving behind a fuming Lily with shocked parents. "They didn't like you. They felt sorry for you, especially after I explained your mental disability," Lily smirked as she finished speaking.

Sirius and Remus started cracking up. "That wasn't really much of a stretch was it?" Sirius teased. James hit him on the back of the head.

"Lily, you just changed the subject. Are you in a fight with your parents or something?" James asked.

Lily sobered immediately. "No," she answered quietly.

"Then why didn't you go home to see them? Why are you living in the apartment over by Sirius'? Why didn't they even send you presents?" James questioned.

"They aren't exactly available for me to spend time with," Lily answered carefully after a pause. "

"What?" Remus asked sharply. "What do you mean? Did something happen?"

She thought for a while. Was it safe to tell them? They were her friends after all, and it was a bit frustrating having only her professors know the truth. After a bit of deliberation, she began speaking. "They died this summer."

They gasped. "Was it…was it death eaters?" Sirius asked tentatively.

"Yes," Lily replied blandly.

"Oh Merlin!" James paled. "I'm so sorry. Were you the one that found them? I can't even imagine having seen my parents after the attack…"

Lily took a deep breath. "I didn't find them." She looked into their eyes. "I was there."

There was a brief pause that was broken by Sirius, "What happened?" he questioned with wide eyes.

Remus interrupted Lily before she even began. "You were…you were that girl from the Daily Prophet article weren't you?" he asked piecing together the puzzle.

"Yes," she nodded.

"But we saw you the day that article came out!" Sirius protested. "It said that the girl was still unconscious."

"I had just been released from the hospital about an hour earlier."

"The hospital gown!" Remus exclaimed. "I saw it sticking out of your bag!"

"They actually let you out the same day?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"I had to convince them," Lily admitted. "But yes, eventually they let me out after they gave me a ton of healing potions to take. Anyway, so that's the reason for a lot of things this year. Rodolphus was the leader of the group. I recognized his voice at the prefects' meeting." She saw recognition dawn in James' eyes. "That's why they attacked me later. They had a job to finish."

"God," James breathed. "God Lily I'm so sorry." He wrapped her in a big hug, and she melted in the embrace. "How did you keep this to yourself for so long?"

She pulled away and looked down bashfully. "I'm used to not having people to talk to I guess. I'm pretty good at dealing with things on my own."

"You won't ever have to anymore," James said. "I promise." The others nodded their agreement.

Lily couldn't help but be swept away by these words. She still had people who cared for her. James obviously cared, but was it as she hoped or just sisterly? She couldn't just ignore the swooning feeling that had pulsed through her body as he held her or the way she went weak in the knees when he spoke with her, the way that when he smiled Lily felt perfectly content. The reason she had gotten so worked up over him, so nervous, wasn't just because he had mercilessly teased her and flirted with her for years. She loved him. She was almost sure of it. Lily just hoped that her feelings wouldn't come to a catastrophic burning end. She didn't think she could handle not having him in her life at all. He meant too much.


	7. Chapter 7

PART VII

Holidays ended far too quickly for Lily's likely, and she was harshly thrust back into the real world. She had grown unbelievably close to the three Gryffindor boys. She was sure that both Remus and Sirius were completely sure of her feelings, as she had seen them glancing slyly her way whenever James entered the room.

The 7th years were bustling around furiously getting back into the swing of things. NEWTs were drawing near, and all of those overachiever students (The Ravenclaws + Lily) were already in the review faze. The teachers had sped up the pace of their teaching in order to get in every possible spell or question that would be on the tests.

"Class!" Professor Prewett exclaimed pulling the students away from their conversations. "Exams will be upon us quickly, and the headmaster has informed me that it would be for your benefit to learn how to defend yourselves against dementors. It will most likely be extra credit for the exam. Focus on your happiest memory. The incantation is 'expecto patronum.' If it is done correctly than an animal will come forth from your wand to protect you. Your patronus resembles whichever animal you have a special bond with, an animal you feel safe with. Most grown wizards can produce a wisp, but few can make a corporeal patronus."

The students looked around at each other excitedly. They hoped that they could do it. Lily couldn't help but beam as she imagined getting extra credit on the exam for doing something so difficult.

The professor showed them the proper wand movements and used his patronus as an example. It was an eagle. Lily was awed as she took notice of the pearly white bird flying around the room before it faded away into nothingness. He told them to get started, and everyone immediately began practicing.

The marauders were the first to produce any results at all. James and Remus had indistinct shapes coming from their wands. Sirius was getting extremely frustrated. He couldn't keep up with his own friends. Even Peter was doing better!

"I can't do it!" he exclaimed, slamming his wand down on the desk.

Lily took pity on him and walked over. "Why don't you try focusing on a happier memory? What's the one you're using now?" she asked.

He looked up at her wearily. "When I bought my apartment," he finally said. "I was so happy to have all that freedom."

Lily pursed her lips thoughtfully. "I think I know why that's not working. The reason you bought that place was to escape your relatives, and you associate negativity with your family. Pick something that's stronger," she suggested.

He thought about it for a while, than he triumphantly picked up his wand. "Expecto patronum!" he bellowed. An indistinct shape came out, and he grinned.

"What did you pick?" Lily asked curiously.

"That day we had the snowball fight," he answered. "It was just pure fun." He grinned and tried the spell again. This time a definite form was seen. Lily cheered and the others took notice. The rest of the class started clapping (minus the Slytherins).

"Merlin, Padfoot!" James cracked up. "How self-obsessed can you get?" Remus, Peter, and he all seemed to think it was hysterical, and Lily was confused.

"What are you talking about?" she asked bewildered. It was a huge dog. How did that make him self-obsessed? And why did he call him Padfoot? Was that another weird nickname they had for each other?

"Never mind," James shook his head amusedly. "So why don't you try? Let's see if you can do it." He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed.

Lily raised her wand, her features creased in determination. A memory…what could she pick? Something with her parents? No, too bittersweet. Getting a good grade? Not special enough. She had it! But would it be wrong? Lily focused on the image in her mind, the feeling, the warmth. "Expecto patronum!" she cried. A vague shape came out, and it faded rapidly. No one else in the class noticed save James, Remus, Sirius, Peter, and herself. It was some type of four-legged creature with antlers. A stag perhaps? It wasn't what Lily was expecting. She didn't even think she had ever come in contact with one. Lily had never felt any particular like towards the animal, but this one in particular, it meant something to her, and she didn't know why.

She turned and looked at the others. They were staring at the empty space where her patronus had appeared in disbelief. "What?" she asked self-consciously. "Were you expecting something else?"

Remus cleared his throat. "No…well yes. It's not that I was expecting anything in particular but not that…" he drifted off.

"Why?" Lily demanded. "What's wrong with it?"

"It looked kind of weak to me," Sirius snickered. James glared at his friend as did Lily.

"Well it's not what I'd thought it'd be," Lily admitted.

"What did you think it'd be?" Remus asked curiously.

"Oh I don't know. I've always liked wolves," Lily responded. She noticed Sirius and Peter break into another round of snickers, Remus paling slightly, and James frowning. "What?" she asked dumbly. "Is there something that I'm missing?"

"Oh nothing Lily dear," Sirius assured her as he slipped an arm around her shoulder. "I'm rather fond of wolves myself." He threw an exaggerated wink in Remus' direction when Lily wasn't looking. "Of course, dogs are much better."

"Dogs used to scare me when I was younger," Lily informed him. "This huge black one jumped on me while I was swimming and pushed me under the water. Then it bit me once I got out."

Sirius removed him arm and waggled his eyebrows at her. "Well I don't bite…much," he whispered suggestively. She nearly swooned as his warm breath tickled her ear. He wasn't popular for nothing! That boy was pretty good looking.

She giggled. "I guess I'll never find out," she sighed with a smile.

"Sure you can! Anytime!" Sirius responded enthusiastically.

Lily was about to reply, but James had pulled Sirius away towards him. He looked sort of angry. "Are you feeling alright?" Lily asked him concernedly.

He stopped and smiled fakely at her. "I'm fine," he insisted. "But you and Sirius were getting awful close don't you think?"

Lily scowled. "What are you implying?"

"I'm just saying that you guys were acting pretty friendly, and Sirius has a bit of a reputation."

"I'm the same age as you, James, so don't start acting all older brotherly on me!" Lily told him angrily.

"I'm not! I'm just warning you, since you're so inexperienced," James replied.

"You don't know anything about my experiences," Lily muttered. "Just because I look young, doesn't mean I act like it!" Well, she kind of did, but he didn't need to know that.

He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And who have you been messing around with then?"

Lily flushed but responded coldly. "None of your business."

"That's code for no one," Sirius cut in. Lily glared at him, and James laughed.

"Why do you care anyway?" she questioned.

"Because… you shouldn't…I mean you… you should not be doing that kind of stuff," James spluttered.

"Why?" Lily was fuming. "You do!"

"You shouldn't be out screwing around with random blokes!" James said loudly enough so that people nearby turned and took notice for a moment.

"Don't worry," Lily hissed. "I don't 'screw around,' especially after what happened to me when I was attacked." The bell rang, and she began to walk away.

James looked pained and guilty. "Wait! Lily! That came out wrong! I'm sorry. I don't want us to fight!" he jogged after her.

She turned around abruptly, making him smack into the wall at the sudden halt. "It's fine," she smiled and helped him up. She just couldn't stay mad at him. He was so cute and amazing and thoughtful and sincere and polite and sexy…whoa! She had better stop before she started drooling. Now that would be some major embarrassment, literally drooling over a hot guy in front of him.

"Let's go get some lunch," he suggested and pulled her along before she could even form a reply.

Lily sat down at the table next to Remus. The boys were exchanging mischievous glances. "What are you up to?" she asked suspiciously with narrowed eyes.

They all looked away from her and began whistling tunelessly. "Oh nothing Lily dear," Sirius said innocently. "Nothing at all."

"You may want to direct your attention over towards the Slytherin table though," James added.

Her head spun around so quickly, the others were surprised her neck didn't crack. Then the fun began. Snape rose from his place and began flapping his arms like wings. He looked around confused and opened his mouth. A loud cluck sound made its way out. Rodolphus rose from his seat next in an attempt to quiet his friend. An involuntary moo sound left his lips before he could stop it. Bellatrix was horrified at her boyfriend's actions. The next thing she knew, she was excitedly barking. If she had a tail, Lily knew that it would have been wagging.

"Look she's acting like the bitch she really is!" Sirius shouted out through the ever-growing laughter.

Lily couldn't quite contain her laughter at the scene. The other Slytherins had edged away and were taking in the spectacle wearily. The other three houses were cheering and cracking up at the expense of their classmates. Professor Slughorn and McGonagall had risen and attempted to calm everyone and reverse whatever was on the three Slytherins. Dumbledore had a small smile on his lips and a twinkle in his eye. Apparently, he approved of the way that the marauders had retaliated.

Finally the prank finished and the laughter died down. "That was pretty funny," Lily admitted. "Thank you," she whispered to them softly.

Remus gave her hand a squeeze. "Anytime," he replied.

* * *

A couple of days later the chatter about the prank had died down. Lily and the marauders were as close as ever. It was time for potions class, and so she gathered up her things and prepared to walk towards the dungeons. She couldn't fully suppress the shiver that made its way up her spine as she drew close to the room that she had been attacked in, but she bravely marched on with her head held high. She was a Gryffindor after all. Seemingly ages later she reached her destination. Lily took her usual seat at the front of the classroom and waited for the lesson to start.

"Good afternoon class!" Professor Slughorn announced jovially. "Today I've decided that you're going to make a Draught of Living Death. I taught this to you last year, so I expect all oustandings! Begin."

Lily immediately began working. Her hands mechanically knew what to do. She understood the art of potions, the subtle ways to make one better, and the ways to make it worse. It was a thin line between right and wrong.

The only other person she knew who shared her love for the subject was Severus. She couldn't think of him quite the same now. True, she had felt something radiating from him- uncertainty perhaps? She understood that even if he had wanted to (which he very well might have) stop what was happening, it would be suicide. Being born on the wrong side of things could be tough. Still though, Lily harbored a definite grudge towards him. She had stuck up for him against the marauders more times than she could count, and she wasn't sure if she regretted it. That scared her. Even if someone had turned out bad, did that make it ok for them to be bullied and teased as a small child? No one's born evil. It's the choices everyone makes that leads to the adult they eventually become. Lily saw Snape's indecision and hoped he would choose correctly.

Lily began stirring her potion until it reached the correct color. She looked bemusedly around the classroom at her peers. Sirius was swearing profusely at his cauldron, which was bubbling over something frothy and green. Remus was shaking his head in amusement beside his friend, as he added the proper amount of ingredients to his potion. James was staring down at his work with an intense look of concentration on his face. Lily' stomach gave an unfamiliar jerk, and she couldn't help but notice how perfect he looked. Peter, poor Peter, was way out of his league. He had barely qualified for the class, and only with lots of extra help from his friends did he pass his entrance exam.

A loud thump was heard, and Lily jumped about a mile. That stupid boy had knocked his potion over. The contents of his cauldron were advancing rapidly around the room. Both Lily and Snape immediately jumped up on their chairs. They were intelligent enough to realize that the potion made was far from correct and the results could possibly be disastrous if someone touched or ingested it.

"Don't panic!" Professor Slughorn called out. Move away from the potion. Do not touch it!" Others followed the lead of Lily and Severus and jumped up on their chairs, while some just wearily shifted away from the mess. The professor pulled out his wand and attempted to clean up the thin red- almost explosive looking- liquid. "By Merlin!" he exclaimed. "What did you do boy?" The mess had doubled. It seemed to repel the onslaught of spell attempts.

"I don't…I don't know!" Peter stuttered nervously. "What did I make?" he asked frantically.

"If I had to guess," Snape piped up. "He added extra soporific beans before the lacewings. Stupid Gryffindor," he muttered the last part bitterly.

Lily paled as she thought over what the combination must have produced. "You created poison!" she hissed.

"Everyone out!" the professor bellowed. "Careful not to step in it. This'll have to be cleaned carefully by hand. Mr. Pettigrew! You have detention with me for the next week!"

The class carefully filed out. Lily turned around for a last glance at the room. She could've sworn she detected someone from the corner of her eye with a vile in hand. Lily turned her head quickly but saw no one there.

She caught up with James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter. "Brilliant Wormtail!" Sirius chuckled. "How'd you do it?"

He shrugged unsurely. "It really was an accident."

"You could've hurt someone!" Lily exclaimed announcing her presence. "How could you have been so careless?" She was also curious about the nickname he had been called. Wormtail? What was that supposed to mean? She took notes of it and decided to check it out later.

"Personally, I wouldn't mind some of those Slytherins getting hurt," Sirius replied.

"They're just kids too!" Lily told him. "No one deserves pain."

"How can you say that?" James asked incredulously. "They're the ones responsible for you getting hurt!"

"No," Lily answered him. "Voldemort," she noted that only Peter flinched. "Is the one responsible. These kids are just the product of brainwashing from their families. Voldemort is the only one truly behind everything. He put prejudice into action."

"I suppose you're right," Sirius said thoughtfully. "Trust me, I know a thing or two about brainwashing relatives."

"Come on," Remus said trying to get them off the heavy topic. "Let's go. We have a free period, and I for one don't want to spend it all in this corridor."

The others quickly agreed and moved on from both their conversation and their places in the hall.

Lily pulled Remus to her room once they reached the head tower. "I have a problem," she whispered seriously.

"What?" he asked scared. "You haven't gotten hurt again have you?"

"Worse," Lily mumbled.

"What? What could possibly be worse?"

"I'm in love," she told him quietly. A single tear made its way from the corner of her eye and down her face. "And he doesn't even know I exist."

"With who?" Remus questioned already knowing the answer.

"James, it's always been James. I tried to ignore it, but it just sort of hit me you know?" Lily wiped her eyes furiously. "Anyway, I need your help. And I need you to be discrete. We have to come up with a plan."

"What?" Remus was shocked. "My help? What do we have to do?"

Lily plucked up all of her courage and pecked him on the lips. "We'll think of something." She left silently, leaving the boy alone in her room.

"What have I gotten myself into?" The question left his lips and seemed to reverberate through out the air. The eerie quiet was his only answer.


	8. Chapter 8

PART VIII

It was a few weeks later, and Lily had only just begun with her plan. She figured there wasn't a way it could go wrong. Either James would become jealous, or she'd forget all about him. Remus made more sense for her anyway, and Lily was nothing if not full of common sense.

So Lily had cautiously started it. She flirted with Remus whenever James was in the room. She felt really stupid and out of place, but it would be worth it in the end. Remus for his part, seemed to have an inkling of what the plan entailed, and so he played his part magnificently.

James still seemed oblivious, as did Peter. Sirius though kept giving them confused and slightly suspicious looks, which Lily tried to ignore. He was James' best friend. Letting him in on the plan could ruin everything.

"Listen Lily," Remus began. "I don't know if we should do this…"

"Remus!" Lily whined. "You have to help! Please?" she stuck out her lower lip and gave him puppy dog eyes.

"No! This could backfire big time! Don't make me do this!" he pleaded.

"Is it that bad?" she asked a little offended.

"No…look that's not what I meant!"

"It sounds like that's exactly what you meant!" Lily sniffled. "If I can't even get you interested, how am I supposed to get him?" Her eyes began to water.

" Never mind! I'll do it!" Remus assured her quickly. "Just don't cry!" He hated seeing girls cry. He never knew what he was supposed to do.

She brightened immediately, and he could see that she had been faking her sadness. "Good! I knew you'd see things my way."

"What did he see your way?" James asked with a raised eyebrow as he, Sirius, and Peter came over.

Lily blushed upon seeing him, but she hoped he took it as her being caught in a 'moment' with Remus. "Oh nothing," she giggled and grabbed Remus' arm. "So what's up with you guys?"

Sirius smirked at Remus as he seemed to process what must be happening. The look on Remus' face was a dead give a way. The other two boys didn't notice though. "We were just discussing the Hogsmeade weekend on Valentine's Day actually," Sirius replied.

Peter gave him a weird look. "No we weren't."

"Well we are now," Sirius said firmly. "I just asked out Amelia Bones. What a nice body!"

"Is that all you care about?" Lily asked disgusted.

"Pretty much!" he agreed. "How about you guys? What are you doing?"

"I've got a date with Winters," Peter said.

"Winters?" Sirius asked incredulously. "The 5th year?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "Age shouldn't be an issue."

James snorted. "That's only because no one our age would go out with you!"

"Well what about you, Lily?" Peter questioned. "Do you have a date?"

Remus shot Lily a look that she ignored. "Oh yes," she smiled.

"Who?" James asked quickly. "If he lays a hand on you…"

"You're not my big brother so stop acting like one!" She shot back at him. "Besides it won't be a problem."

"Oh why's that?" he asked snidely. Sirius was practically jumping up and down with glee in the background at what was unfolding.

"Because it's Remus, and I assume you trust him," Lily informed him. Remus grimaced and slapped himself across the face. Sirius pointed at him and laughed.

James turned towards Remus and his two friends quickly stopped their actions. "You're taking Lily out? On Valentine's Day?" he questioned disbelievingly.

He swallowed. "Yes I am," he answered bravely. He put his arm around Lily who had snuggled up beside him.

"When did this happen?" Peter asked. "I didn't notice anything with you guys!"

"Well that's because you're incredibly dim," Lily replied dryly. "He just asked me, but we've liked each other for a while." She willed herself to blush. "Or at least I have." She silently cheered at her performance.

"We should all meet up!" Sirius suggested enthusiastically. "Who's your date James?"

He seemed to hesitate. "Well, I haven't actually asked anyone yet. I mean, there was someone I was thinking of…"

"Who?" Lily asked eagerly.

"Marlene," he answered abruptly. His eyes weren't focused on Lily but on someone behind her, which was for the best since otherwise he would have seen her visibly deflate.

"Oh. Well she's nice. I'm sure she'd say yes," she forced the words out halfheartedly. She turned around and saw the very witch standing about 20 meters behind her. "There she is! Do it now!"

James slowly walked over to Marlene. Lily couldn't hear the conversation, but she could hazard a guess as to how it was going. Marlene wore a big grin on her face and hugged him before going off with her friends. Lily's heart gave a painful clench.

Remus seemed to notice. "Don't worry. It'll all work out in the end," he whispered in her ear.

James came trotting back over. "Mission accomplished," he informed them cheerfully.

"Congratulations," Lily said. She held her stomach, "Excuse me. I'm not feeling very well. I'll see you later!" She rushed out of the room before anyone could comment.

"I hope she's ok," James spoke thoughtfully with a frown. "I wonder what's wrong."

Sirius shook his head. "You know sometimes I can't believe how dense you are."

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"Figure it out yourself!" Sirius, Remus, and Peter walked away leaving James to his own confused thoughts.

"Did I miss something?" he asked himself loudly.

* * *

Valentine's Day came quickly. Lily felt slightly ashamed of the position she had put Remus in. She vowed to buy him a huge present for his next birthday to make up for it. He was being a good sport about it though. He claimed that this way he didn't have to go to the trouble of finding a real date.

Lily took one last look at herself in the mirror before heading out. She wore a plain black robe undone so that her muggle clothes underneath could be seen. Her jeans were nice and tight fitting with a little flare at the end. Her shirt was a plain green tank top. It really brought drew attention to her alarmingly green eyes. She was also wearing make-up. She usually wore a little, but decided the occasion called for a bit more. It really made her look older.

Most importantly, her hair was done. Usually it was up in a ponytail, but today she took time to really style it. Her auburn locks were layered, angling around her face perfectly. It was straight but not without volume, and the ends were curled under slightly.

She exited her room and grinned as Remus' jaw unconsciously dropped. "You look fantastic!" he told her sincerely.

"Thanks," she smiled, "But you only have to say stuff like that when James is around," she informed him.

"I'm just being honest. Hey! You actually look your age for once!" He joked. Lily punched him in the shoulder, but he didn't even seem to feel it, which frustrated her to no end.

"Come on. Let's get going," she said. They headed out to Hogsmeade. Several people they passed by couldn't help but gawk at Lily. She looked pretty good, and she was dating Remus, one of the most popular boys in school.

"So where to first?" Remus asked. "There's Honeyduke's, Zonko's, The Three Broomsticks…" he drifted off as he saw an evil look on her face. "What?"

She smirked. "Do you happen to know where all of the couples go?" she asked casually.

"Yah of course, its Madame Puddifoot's, but why…Oh no! We are not going in there. I can't stand that place!" Remus vehemently told her.

Lily pouted. "Please Remus! I'd do it for you!"

"That's because I'd never ask you to go in there!" He exclaimed so loudly that a couple of nosy people broke off from their conversations to try and listen in.

"Haven't you ever wanted something so unbelievably bad, that you literally hurt because of it?" Lily asked him quietly.

He thought of his little monthly transformation. "Yes," he answered softly.

"Then please do this for me. I promise I'll pay you back!" Lily pleaded and saw Remus' demeanor soften. Without letting him get a word in edge wise, she pulled him into the tiny little shop. "Sit," she hissed once they reached a small table in the front corner of the room.

Remus complied. "Now what?" Looking around the room, he could see a few other couples engaging in certain activities involving lips and tongues, and they weren't talking.

Lily bit her lip. "I don't know," she finally spoke. "Let's just talk for now, and we should probably order."

His eyebrows had risen up at the "for now" part. He was not looking forward to being pummeled into oblivion by James if some other things occurred. 'Oh well,' he sighed. 'Just another day in the life of the resident werewolf.'

He looked down. Lily had ordered them tea and a scone for herself. "Oh I'm sorry! Did you want something else?" she looked sheepish.

"No, this is fine. What does today entail exactly? I mean what are you trying to get at?" he asked anxiously.

Lily hemmed and hawed a bit. "Well, I don't know. I suppose I was just hoping that James would catch you and me together and have an epiphany of some sort. It's kind of a long shot, right?"

'Not quite as much as you think,' he thought. "It could happen," he answered, neither shooting down nor confirming her fears. "But you so owe me after this." He winced as he saw James and Marlene enter through the door.

"What?" Lily asked worriedly. "What just happened?" She saw where Remus was looking and turned. "Oh Merlin! He's in here already!" she muttered frantically. "Has he seen us yet?"

Remus shook his head. If he had been seen, than James would be over here now.

Lily looked around trying to come up with a plan. He wasn't supposed to see her until later when she and Remus had discussed what to do! Plucking up all of her Gryffindor courage, she did something completely out of character.

She kissed Remus full on the lips. He resisted a little at first, but hey, a snog was a snog. This was what Lily had wanted to happen, and who was he to deny her it? He relaxed into it.

Meanwhile Lily was completely nervous. This was only the second guy she had snogged and the only time she had initiated it. Hopefully she was doing it correctly. She forced herself to push her anxieties aside and pretended it was James. Her kisses became more passionate.

James Potter had just walked in with his date Marlene. It was kind of weird being there with her. Their families were old friends, and he knew that she had liked him for a while. Truthfully, he felt more brotherly towards her than anything else. He chuckled as he saw Moony in the corner snogging his date. Wait, Lily was his date! His eyes nearly popped out of his head as he registered what he was seeing. The telltale red-hair was a dead giveaway.

Without even thinking, he walked right up to them. "What are you doing?" he hissed.

The couple broke apart. Lily looked up and saw the anger in his eyes. She immediately began to waver in her plan. She looked helplessly at Remus.

"Lily's my date," Remus said slowly as if speaking to a child. "So we're acting like people on a date."

"That doesn't mean you should snog right out here in public!" James replied angrily.

"Look around! Everyone else is!" Lily shook herself out of her shocked state. "In fact, that's probably why you came in here." She stood up and noted with some satisfaction that James seemed to finally take in her entire look. "Come on Remus. Let's go."

Remus stood up to follow her. "When are you going to get it?" he asked his friend quietly.

"Get what? That you're dating Lily? Because I think seeing your tongue down her throat made it pretty obvious!"

"No Prongs! When are you going to get why 'my tongue was down her throat', why I'm on a date with her?" He left to catch up with his date, leaving James with Marlene.

"I'm so sorry Remus!" Lily said immediately. "I really didn't think this through. I hadn't counted on James coming early or things not going how they had in my mind. I can't believe I put you in this position! I just thought that he'd automatically see me and realize… Oh and I'm really sorry for just kind of snogging the life out of you without a warning there."

He held up a hand. "It's fine. It was a disaster to say the least, but on the bright side, I really didn't mind you snogging me," he teased.

She relaxed a little. "Thanks. You do realize you're the second guy I've ever snogged." She blushed as the words left her mouth.

He smiled. "Hopefully James will be lucky number 3."

She huffed and sat down on a nearby bench. "I doubt it. He acts like I'm his little sister, which I suppose I can understand…I mean I don't exactly look like the witch of his dreams. Maybe I should just give up."

"Don't say that. James is just dense. He'd have to be blind not to notice you!"

"Or he could just not look down," Lily suggested sarcastically.

"He'll come to his senses soon. I've seen him giving you little glances when you're not looking. He's just confused," Remus assured her.

"Well he better get unconfused soon!" She said firmly. "Or I'm going to have to move on!"


	9. Chapter 9

PART IX

James was still acting funny around Lily and Remus. He wouldn't tell Sirius or Peter the reason, but Sirius could make a decent attempt at surmising what must have happened. It had been 3 days since the incident.

Now it was time for Defense Against the Dark Arts. Lily and Remus were sitting next to each other, and Sirius and Peter sat on either side of James.

"Today we're going to be going through some of the dark creatures that will be on the NEWTs. Some you will have learned about in class before and others may be entirely new to you," the professor began once the room went quiet.

"Let's begin with acromantulas. Would anyone like to tell me about them? Ah yes, Mr. Chang," Professor Prewett said calling on the Ravenclaw with his hand up in the front of the room.

"The acromantulas is a monstrous eight-eyed spider capable of human speech. It originated in Borneo. Its leg span may reach up to 15ft. Its pinchers are poisonous. The acromantulas is a carnivore and prefers large prey."

"Thank you Mr. Chang. Am I correct in saying that you just quoted Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them?" The boy nodded. "Very well. 5 points to Ravenclaw. Now who can explain grindylows to me?"

"It's a water demon with long fingers and a powerful grip found in lakes in Britain and Ireland. It eats fish but has been known to act aggressively towards humans," Remus answered once he'd been called on. He was satisfied with 5 points for Gryffindor.

"Good, now kappas?" The professor asked.

"It's a water demon found in Mongolia. It feeds on human blood, but you can defend yourself by throwing it a cucumber with your name carved in it. Also you could trick it into bowing which will drain all the water from its head, leaving it without strength," Snape answered without being called on.

"Close but not quite. They're actually found in Japan, but I'll give Slytherin 4 points for your partially correct answer."

They quickly ran through a whole long list of creatures they should know ranging from doxies to kelpies, lethifolds to red caps, trolls to hinkypunks. Lily was pleased to note that she remembered every single answer.

"We're almost out of time," Professor Prewett said glancing at the clock. "But before we go, who would like to explain werewolves?"

Snape immediately raised his hand and was called on. Lily felt Remus stiffen next to her, and she looked at him curiously for a moment.

"A werewolf is a man who transforms every full moon. They are distinguishable from regular wolves by their snouts and enlarged size. If a person is bitten by one, than on the next full moon they will become one too. Animals are safe from being cursed with the transformation. Werewolves are nasty creatures that are cold-blooded killers. They should all be put down."

Sirius, James, and Peter glared at the greasy-haired Slytherin who had spoken.

"Well that was a mostly accurate, if not biased statement," the professor said uneasily. "Next class we'll be going over a few select jinxes. Class dismissed."

Everyone got up to leave. Snape blocked the path Lily and Remus were about to take.

"What do you want Snivellus?" Remus asked wearily.

"Interesting lesson wasn't it? Tell me Evans how _do_ you deal with werewolves?"

She was confused. "What are you talking about? I've never dealt with one before."

Snape laughed harshly. "Oh! So your little girlfriend doesn't know?"

"You had better be quiet," Remus warned. "Or the headmaster will hear of this."

"Fine I'm going! Hey Evans looked at the moon lately? It'll be full soon," he stalked off.

"What was he talking about?" Lily asked. "Has he got some weird fixation with werewolves?"

"I guess you could say that," Remus agreed. "Let's go catch up with Sirius."

Lily did, but she couldn't get that conversation out of her mind. She knew she was missing something, something important. She filed it away and promised to research it out later.

* * *

Lily awoke the next morning from a restless slumber. Something seemed wrong all night, and Lily couldn't allow herself to relax. She sat up in her bed. It was unnaturally quiet. Usually giggling girls could be heard scampering off to the bathrooms. Sometimes boys would walk by talking excitedly about quidditch. Today there was nothing. A somber atmosphere seemed to have envelope Hogwarts.

Pushing back her covers Lily tentatively set foot on the cold stone floor of the castle. Without even taking time to so much as put a robe on, she tiptoed out of her room. Lily was surprised to note that Remus was sitting beside James talking with him amicably. Sirius and Peter were on the couch opposite theirs. They were pouring over a piece of paper.

"Hey guys," Lily announced her presence cautiously. Everyone turned towards her, and Lily saw how puffy and red-rimmed Remus' eyes looked. She gasped. "What happened?"

Sirius wordlessly handed her the paper he had been reading. It was an official looking document from the Ministry of Magic. She immediately began to investigate it.

_Dear Remus Lupin,_

_We of the Ministry of Magic regret to inform you that there was an attack on Diagon Alley late last night. You-know-who and his deatheaters demolished a good portion of the shops and those inside. _

_Your parents were found outside of Quality Quidditch Supplies buried under a pile of debris. They were immediately rushed to Saint Mungos and received attention from the trained healers on sight. Your father was pronounced dead upon arrival due to a heavy blow to the head. Your mother died minutes later from internal bleeding. _

_After this tragedy we, the Ministry of Magic, have taken it upon ourselves to enforce new safety precautions at Diagon Alley including full time auror supervision, strict security checks upon arriving, the floo network will be closely watched by ministry officials, and apparition points have been severely limited._

_We are very sorry for your loss. Please send an owl to the ministry if you have any further questions._

_Our Condolences,_

_The Ministry of Magic_

She immediately wrapped Remus in a tight embrace. "Merlin that's horrible! I'm so sorry Remus!" She pulled herself away. "Is there anything I can do?"

He opened his mouth to try to speak but seemed to think better of it. He shook his head numbly.

"If you ever need to talk, I'm here okay? Trust me keeping it all in won't help at all." She snuggled up next to him knowing how much he wanted physical comfort. She wished that she had had someone there for her. "When did he find out?" she asked James.

"About an hour ago," he replied. "I spotted a ton of owls flying towards the castle, so I can only assume that others received similar messages."

Lily began tearing up. "This is horrible! No one should have to deal with that."

Sirius eyed her. "Um Lily? Not to break up the moment or anything, but breakfast starts soon and you're in your pajamas."

Lily looked down at herself and blushed. Her attire was definitely more revealing than her usual clothes. Her terrycloth shorts and tank top were while comfy also very skimpy. "Pretend you didn't just see that," she told everyone. "Hold on. I'll be right back."

She dressed quickly and then headed down with the marauders to the Great Hall in silence. She passed many a tear-streaked face along the way. The sympathy she felt was mounting.

Once she reached the breakfast table she sat down not feeling very hungry at all. Hardly anyone else was eating save for the Slytherins.

Morning mail time came quickly. Hundreds of owls of all shapes and sizes swooped in to deliver the news. Lily unbound the newspaper from the owl before her and quickly paid it. She unrolled the Daily Prophet to read the front page.

A gigantic bold headline read **ATTACK ON DIAGON ALLEY**. A huge picture showed Lily a familiar cluster of shops burned and destroyed. Injured witches and wizards were moving sluggishly along the image in obvious pain. The Dark Mark could be seen overhead. She felt ill at the sickly green glow of Voldemort's destruction.

She skimmed through the article and gasped at the hypothetical numbers of injured and dead. _"Roughly 300 were hurt in the surprise attack and 100 killed. 20 of the victims were young children who were out with their parents."_

It was surreal. How could it have happened? Wasn't there anyone doing anything to stop the massacres? Right then and there Lily made a secret vow to do whatever she could possibly do to end Voldemort's regime.

_'I don't want people to have to grow up knowing that sort of fear, certainly not my children, and certainly none of my generation's. Voldemort's lust for power and ideas of blood supremacy could very well be the end of the modern wizarding world. It has to end.' _

Lily's eyes flashed as a group of Slytherins reading the paper broke out in a round of snickers. Without a second thought, she left her seat and stomped across the room to the rowdy bunch.

"Think it's funny do you?" she hissed. "You think they got what they deserved? Who's to say that Voldemort," here they all flinched and glared at her, "doesn't decide to off your family next. How would you feel then?"

One brave soul stood up and replied proudly, "The dark lord wouldn't harm our families. We're loyal and pure of blood. There's nothing for us to be ashamed of."

"That's the kind of life you want?" Lily asked disbelievingly. "Slytherins are ambitious and power hungry. Do you think **he** will give you any power? No! He'll make you grovel at his feet and then he'll torture you for no reason!"

"You forget something mudblood," the nameless boy hissed back. "Slytherins, unlike you filthy Gryffindors, also have a survival instinct. We do what we must to achieve the goal of wiping out filth like you. We've already gotten to your parents after all haven't we?"

Blinded by rage Lily drew her wand and cast an extremely powerful bat-bogey hex on the bigoted wizard in front of her. "Don't you dare talk about my parents!" she yelled.

James and Sirius came up on either side of her and stood firmly next to her. "Let's go Lily," James said quietly. "Everyone's staring."

She turned. The entire hall was indeed staring. She was surprised to find that the professors had witnessed the entire thing and hadn't given her detention or deducted points. "Fine," she muttered. Lily stalked out of the room in silence, her footsteps echoing on the dreary looking stone floor.

Later Lily learned that nearly a quarter of the school had lost someone in the attack, and that almost everyone fully supported her in the incident that occurred that morning. She was too angry to fully appreciate the support she was receiving.

Throughout the entire day she was distracted from her lessons. Lily was overwhelmed with a compelling urge to do something, to make a difference. She, herself, had been the target of an attack. Wasn't it her responsibility to do something to stop it from ruining another family? She resolved to talk to Dumbledore about it. He always had all the answers. He'd know what to do.

* * *

Bright and early the next morning Lily quietly left the head tower and headed over towards the headmaster's office. She walked right up to the gargoyle guarding the entrance and spoke the password clearly.

Before she even had a chance to knock on the door Dumbledore called out, "Come in Ms. Evans."

She entered his office and took a seat in a chair opposite his that he gestured to. "Professor, I really don't know how to say this, but you always know what to do so…" she drifted off. "I want to do something to stop Voldemort. And I don't mean something just with the ministry, because in my opinion, they do nothing."

He looked closely at her with piercing eyes, and she felt like he was looking through her. "I believe I can help you in your quest," he said finally. "You see I have founded a secret society known as the Order of the Phoenix who do just what you're talking about."

Lily couldn't believe her ears. She was pretty perceptive and almost always found little known information. How had she missed out on an entire group of fighters for the light? "Can I join?" she asked quickly.

"I'm afraid I can only in good conscious allow those of age and out of school to take part in it. I was planning on asking you and your friends upon graduation. Tell me would they agree to join?" he asked.

"Oh yes," Lily nodded fervently. "I'm almost 100 positive that they'd jump at the chance."

He smiled at her kindly. "I'm glad I could be of service Ms. Evans. I'm sorry, but I feel that at this time I cannot divulge anymore information on this organization safely."

She stood up. "That's okay. I understand. I can wait a few months to get started. Thank you very much headmaster!" She made to leave.

"Would you like a lemon drop before you go?" he called out.

She turned around amused. "I didn't take you for someone interested in muggle candies, sir." She reached out and popped a sweet in her mouth.

His eyes twinkled. "Oh yes. There are three things I can't get enough of- bowling, socks, and lemon drops."

She chuckled. "Good to know." she exited with a smile on her face and a spring in her step.


	10. Chapter 10

PART X

The end of February advanced on Lily rapidly, and before she knew it, it was March. She was saddened as she realized she only had a few months left before she'd graduate, but at the same time, she couldn't wait. She could join the order, settle into her flat and find an interesting job. Most importantly, she could move on from James. While he hadn't been ignoring her or Remus since news of the attack, he also hadn't gone out of his way to speak with her. Lily had been hoping to open his eyes, to get him to see the girl who was crazy about him, but he didn't seem to notice. She was doomed to be a sister figure towards him.

Lily gathered her things and hurried off to transfiguration. This was the only class that James sat next to her in. He had a passion for the subject and voluntarily chose to sit up front, leaving the marauders behind. She looked forward to the lessons just because they were a chance for her to get close to him.

She made it to class early and sat down in her seat, patiently awaiting the entrance of her friends. When James finally entered and slid in the seat beside her, Lily couldn't quite keep the small grin that was forming on her face away.

"Hey," he smiled at her. Lily felt herself melting a little. Whenever he was around, she felt charged with a type of energy foreign to her.

"Hi," she replied softly. The word had trouble leaving her mouth. She was bursting to tell him her feelings. But she couldn't. It would ruin everything. They'd act awkward around each other and drift apart. Lily didn't want that. She sighed in frustration.

"Are you okay?" he asked amused. He had watched a range of emotions play across her face in the space of a few moments.

"I'm fine," she answered automatically. She rolled her eyes as he looked away. 'Of course I'm not okay! Get your head out of your arse and realize that I like you!'

"Good day class," Professor McGonagall said primly as she entered the room, shutting the door behind her. "Today is the beginning of something entirely new. It is the apex of transfiguration, the highest level. We will be discussing animagi and the process in which you find the animal you are, learn to transform, and register."

James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter exchanged uneasy looks at the last word. Lily looked excitedly at the boy next to her to gage his reaction. She was puzzled at how uncomfortable he looked. Usually he was wild about stuff like this.

"The best way to find your inner animal is to take a revealer potion and clear your mind. There are other ways, but they are less accurate," the professor droned on. "Some people don't have a form as they aren't destined to have that particular ability. Usually they have some other rare power or an affliction that took the form away."

"How long does it take to train?" Lily asked curiously after McGonagall called on her for raising her hand.

"It varies. For most it take years, although rare cases have been recorded where the witch or wizard honed their ability in a couple of months. Professor Slughorn was kind enough to make a potion for each of you." With a flick of her wand several vials came zooming out of a box and in front of each student. "All of you are to take it. If any of you have a form and are interested in training to be able to change into it, you are to stay after class and speak to me."

The class grew quiet as they contemplated what the results of the potion could be. Noticing that others had begun the drinking process, Lily hastened to take the potion. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind of all thoughts. It was pretty hard for her. Her mind was always racing at a mile a minute. Finally she felt the magic work its way through her system, and she relaxed. A small animal seemed to appear from the back of her mind. It was a few moments later that Lily could really focus on what she was seeing.

It was a small deer. It had a reddish color to it and a sort of humble but brave air to it. Lily smiled as she mused over her inner animal. She decided that it described her incredibly well. She was small and shy. She had been known to freeze like a deer in headlights in certain situations before being snapped out of it. She was fiercely protective of her friends and family and her beliefs. She didn't look to start confrontations, but she didn't scatter away from them if she felt strongly about the issue.

The potion's effects ended, and Lily's eyes snapped open. Others around the room were coming out of the same trance she had been in.

"So what did you see?" she asked James excitedly.

He eyed her for a second. "Tell me what you saw first," he finally shot back.

She frowned and opened up her mouth to respond, but Professor McGonagall cut off her thoughts. "How many of you had a form?" she questioned. A little over half the class raised their hands. "Good," she nodded. "Most of you will never achieve becoming an animagi. It takes a lot of discipline, time, and raw power. Those who become an animagus must have a knack for transfiguration."

Lily nudged James playfully. "You could do it," she whispered.

He tensed slightly, "Maybe," he shrugged casually. Lily was dismayed. In all the time she had known him, she had never seen him so nonchalant about a new transfiguration topic.

"Would any of you who have forms be willing to share what you saw?" Professor McGonagall asked. "Mr. Black maybe?"

Sirius exchanged a look with Remus that Lily couldn't identify. "A dog ma'am," he replied quietly.

She looked vaguely amused, but tried to stifle her smile. "I see," she said. "Anyone else? James?" She glanced at her star pupil. The professor had a soft spot for anyone with a love of transfiguration and thought quite a bit of James, not that she'd ever tell him. A few moments passed and he hadn't answered. "Anytime Mr. Potter," she said impatiently.

"A stag," he announced.

The professor nodded and moved along to the next student.

Lily looked at him startled. Her patronus was a stag! James, Remus, Peter, and Sirius all seemed to think that was interesting. Had they already known James' form? She thought about it a while longer. Sirius said he was a dog and that's what his patronus was! They had called him self-obsessed. This confirmed it in Lily's mind. They all must have already taken the potion. That's why James seemed so surprised and uninterested. It was nothing new that he'd be learning.

Why had they taken the potion though? Lily felt like she was missing something. She thought back through the year and finally realized what the strange nicknames she had heard were for. Padfoot had to do with the padded feet and a dog has. Prongs had to do with the antlers of a stag. Wormtail had to do with a tail that looked like a worm. What was Peter? He hadn't said. She hadn't heard them call Remus anything strange. That must be because he doesn't have another form.

Lily didn't pay attention the rest of the lesson. She was too busy trying to figure out the marauders. She didn't even realize class had ended until she felt someone shaking her.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked. "Everyone else already left."

She looked around the room and found his words rang true. "I'm fine. I was just thinking," she said.

"About what? It must have been pretty intense."

"Just my animagus form," she covered lamely.

"Oh? What is it?" he questioned.

"I don't want to say." It was a deer. James was a stag. She was a deer. Was this the universe's idea of a cruel joke?

They walked out to where Peter, Sirius, and James were. "What's your form Peter?" she asked. She had planned to try and figure it out subtly, but she was dying of curiosity.

He looked down bashfully. "Hey wait a second! You wouldn't tell me yours, so why should he tell you his?" Remus protested.

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'll tell you then." 'Anything to solve a little more of this mystery,' she added silently.

"I'm a rat." Peter said.

Lily almost snorted. Her lips twitched. "I think that fits you quite well," she managed to speak with a straight face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"Well…" Lily tried to think of something nice to say. "You'll eat anything, you're small so you can sneak around, and you're um… nice?"

James snorted. "Nice save. What are you, an ant?" he asked sarcastically.

"No," she replied coldly. She walked up to Remus, "I'm a deer," she whispered in his ear so no one else could hear. "You never said I had to tell everyone." She walked away.

"What is she?" Sirius asked curiously. "Is it really embarrassing?"

Remus shook his head sadly. "No. It makes a lot of sense really. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. I should really go talk to her. This must be driving her insane!" He quickly walked the same direction Lily had gone.

Peter shrugged. "Oh well. Who really cares about her anyway?" he walked away in the opposite direction.

Sirius looked to James for a moment and saw how troubled he looked.

'James does. James _really_ does,' he thought to himself silently.

* * *

There was so much work to do. NEWTs were coming up soon, and the professors were packing in their teaching in brief amounts of time. Head Girl duties were taking up Lily's time too. She had to plan out patrolling and also plan the memorial service she had thought of in the beginning of the year. To put it mildly, Lily was feeling _stressed_.

To make matters worse, the marauders were being extremely evasive. Lily had gotten no farther on her search to discover the reason why they had already taken the animagi potion. She knew how complex it was and severely doubted that they would spend their free time brewing it. They seemed to sense what she was trying to figure out and tried to steer clear of those subjects.

'Why can't I figure it out?' she thought frustratedly. 'I'm usually pretty good with these kind of things. I know I'm missing something. They're acting so paranoid. It must be big.'

Lily paced around in her bedroom until she heard the portrait door swing shut. She could hear voices. Lily paused and pressed her ear up against her bedroom door.

"What are we going to do? She's definitely on to us!" Sirius said panicked.

"Relax. She doesn't know anything," James replied. Lily could almost hear him rolling his eyes.

"You don't give her enough credit. She's a smart girl," Remus said.

"You'd think so wouldn't you Moony?" James sneered. "You're going out with her after all."

'Moony?' Lily mouthed silently. Apparently he did have a nickname after all. He didn't have an animagus form though. Maybe they called him that, because he would act unhappy, upset that he had no form.

"We went on one date!" Remus exclaimed.

"So you aren't going out?" James asked interestedly.

"No! She likes someone else. I'm pretty sure she's in love with him actually."

"Oh," he sounded defeated. Lily's ears perked up in hope. "Who?"

Sirius snorted. "If you don't know, than we're not going to tell you."

"You know too?"

"Not for sure, but I can guess."

Lily decided that she wasn't going to learn anymore as the topic switched to something quidditch related. After she waited a safe amount of time, she exited her room.

"Hey guys!" she said cheerfully. She sat down on the couch.

"Lily…what are you doing here?" James asked nervously.

"I live here James," she pronounced her words slowly and clearly as if talking to a small child.

"I know. I just assumed you were at the library," he replied.

"Do you not want me here?" she acted hurt.

"No!" he said quickly. "I just…never mind. We have to get going anyway," he said looking out the window. Remus and Sirius sprung up from their seats and left the head tower along with James.

"I'll go find Peter." Lily heard Sirius speak before the portrait swung shut.

She tapped her chin thoughtfully. 'What are they up to? Is it just a prank, or is it something more?' Lily exited the head tower to find out.

She was quite paranoid, walking down the Hogwarts corridors alone. Usually James or Sirius or Remus walked her wherever she went. At those times, she would just roll her eyes. It got quite annoying. But now, she wished they were there along side her.

She could hear their fading footsteps. Suddenly she caught a glimpse of them, and immediately she hid herself behind a suit of armor. Remus turned towards the door leading outside, Sirius to another corridor, and James stayed in the same spot.

"I'll wait a couple of extra minutes for Wormtail and Padfoot," he explained. Remus nodded swiftly.

'Go in? Where are they going?' Lily mouthed to herself.

Finally the minutes passed. Sirius and Peter went running by. James fell into step with them, and then they were gone.

The sun had set, and Lily slightly feared going outside. Before she could make her decision, a young man pinned her against the wall.

She gasped. Then she noticed who it was. "You know its people like you who make me not want to hang around randomly in the corridors after hours."

He smirked. "I saw you."

"Saw me what? Were you spying on me you nasty little perv?" Lily asked sounding braver than she felt.

"Relax mudblood, I've already seen everything anyway remember?" he told her.

She sighed. "Yah yah, you and your little friends tried to kill me. That was a while ago. What I really want to know is why you were stalking me."

"I know where they go," he said immediately. "And I know you want to find out."

"You?" Lily asked disbelievingly. "Why would they tell you?"

"It was a joke, a prank gone wrong. Believe me they hadn't planned it that way," he answered grimly. "But now I'm returning the favor," he grinned slightly evilly. "I'm going to tell you where they are so you can catch them."

"Where are they?" she asked impatiently. She wanted to know so badly that she ignored all of the signs that listening to him was a horrible idea.

"Go to the Whomping Willow. Take a stick and poke the knot on the trunk. You can't miss it. It will freeze all of the branches, and you will find a secret passage to go through. That's where they hide out."

"Thanks," she said.

He looked outside. "You better hurry. It's getting late."

Lily nodded and walked outside. The doors slammed behind her. Severus felt momentarily guilty but pushed it aside and told himself that it wasn't wrong; it was justice.

* * *

She walked briskly towards the Whomping Willow. The doors she had exited through grew farther and farther away. Finally, she reached the tree. She saw the knot immediately. Just as Snape said, once it was pressed the branches stopped flailing around.

The secret passage was right there. Lily took a deep breath. This was it. She just knew that she'd find out all of the answers to her questions within moments.

She made her way into a tunnel. Eventually she reached a broken down room. A howl was heard, and Lily stiffened as she realized how close it sounded.

Then it dawned on her. Tonight was the full moon. Flashes began going through her mind. She remembered the nicknames, the werewolf lesson in DADA, the way everyone kept looking at the sky.

The door broke down, and Lily turned with her wand out. It was a werewolf. "Moony," she whispered. Her eyes were wide. Snape had set her up. She was about to die. She was going to be killed because the marauders had led him there earlier.

He came towards her, and Lily's eyes filled with tears. A scratch, another, and another, the werewolf was upon her. He was about to sink his teeth down into her slender neck.

A couple of animals came charging into the room. They took one look at Lily, and fought the werewolf off. The dog led the werewolf away. The second animal paused. It was a stag.

'Oh Merlin! That's Sirius! That's James! They're animagi. I can't believe it.' The thought drifted through her mind. "James," she whispered. "Thank you."

Lily passed out after that. Although she could have sworn she felt arms wrap themselves around her.

* * *

Her eyes opened reluctantly. She groaned as she recognized the surroundings. "The hospital wing again?"

Madame Pomfrey came in. "Hello dear! I see you've finally woken up. Those were some nasty scratches, Ms. Evans. I healed them right up though. They're almost completely gone."

"I suppose James brought me in again?"

"Yes. Mr. Potter carried you in last night, said you got in a fight with an animal when you were patrolling outside the castle. I must tell you, you don't have to conduct patrols outside. It's dangerous and unnecessary. Now about this animal, can you describe it? Mr. Potter said it ran off before he could get a good look."

"Oh no. I didn't see it," Lily answered shaking her head.

"It looks like you have some visitors," she said smiling. "I'll talk to you later." She exited the hospital wing and went into her office.

Lily turned and saw James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter. "Hey guys!" she waved them over cheerfully.

They came over hesitantly. Remus was looking especially grave. "I'm so sorry!" He blurted out. "I understand if you never want to speak with me again. I'm sorry that I almost…"

"It's fine, Remus." She cut him off. "I understand why you'd keep that a secret. There are a lot of bigoted people out there. Fortunately for you I'm not one of them."

He looked relieved but still slightly guilty.

"What were you doing there?" Peter asked suspiciously.

"I was actually wondering about the whole animagus thing. I figured out you already knew your forms, but I didn't know why."

"But that doesn't explain how that led you to the Whomping Willow and how you passed it," Sirius said.

"I knew you were up to something. I could feel it. I followed you, and I hid until you left. Someone stopped me though."

"Who?" Remus asked curiously.

"Snape," she replied quietly. The four boys exchanged looks of horror as they realized what must have happened. "He told me what to do, where to go. He said he was returning a favor."

Sirius paled, Remus looked saddened, Peter looked slightly nervous, and James furious.

"He did what?" James roared. "I'll kill him! That had nothing to do with you! You could've been bitten or worse!"

"So you led him there?" she asked all four of them quietly. "You led him there to die."

Sirius looked pained. "It was me," he admitted. "He had gone too far last year. The influence he had on my brother, it was horrible to watch. I just got angry and didn't think things through."

"How did he get away?"

"James saved him from me," Remus answered grimly.

Lily turned towards James. "You're quite the hero aren't you? You saved Snape and me. Do you think you have a hero complex?" she teased.

"Don't put yourself and Snivellus in the same category. Saving him was just damage control," he spoke fiercely.

"And what was I?" Lily asked. She noticed how close they were. The others seemed to also, and they edged their way out of the room.

He hesitated. "I care about you. I couldn't just leave you to die."

She stared up at him earnestly. "And how do you care about me?" Looking into his eyes, Lily felt sure that an epiphany dawned on him. She took a chance, the biggest risk yet, and she closed the narrowing gap between them with a heartfelt kiss.

She broke away stumbling over her words. "James, I… I mean I'm…You just…" she couldn't find the right way to phrase her feelings.

It turns out that she didn't have to. Madame Pomfrey came back in at that very moment, taking no notice of the awkward scene before her. "Excuse me Mr. Potter, but I'm afraid you'll have to leave. Ms. Evans is not quite healed and she needs her rest."

He looked ready to protest, but he relented quickly and exited the hospital wing.

Lily nearly shrieked in frustration. "When can I go?" she asked flatly.

"I'd like you to stay here for a few more hours. You should be ready to leave by early evening."

"Fine," she snapped, not even caring that she was acting rude. That woman had walked in on a very important conversation that was about to take place. Lily had kissed James. And she had no idea how he felt about it!

Too much had happened too quickly, and she was having trouble coping with it. Animagi, werewolves, love, it was overwhelming. She pushed aside her thoughts of James and her feelings and focused on the upcoming NEWTs, memorial ceremony, and graduation. She had enough to worry about without adding on what she had just done with James.


	11. Chapter 11

PART XI

Does he like me? He's acting so strangely. Does he feel sorry for me? Does he care about me like a lover or a sister? Does anyone else know what happened? Will things ever go back to normal?'

Questions filled Lily's mind over the next couple of days. She caught James eyeing her uncomfortably several times, but he never came up to her or began a conversation. She certainly wasn't going to confront him. If he hadn't said anything, than that meant he wasn't really interested.

Sirius, Remus, and Peter knew that something was up but had enough sense not to mention it, well most of them did.

"Is there something on Lily's face James? You keep looking at her funny," Peter said at breakfast.

James jerked around to glare at him so suddenly that his goblet of juice was knocked over. "No," he hissed. "I wasn't looking at her."

Peter seemed to get the point and dropped the subject.

Lily stood up. "I have to go," she told them. "Bye Remus, bye Sirius, bye Peter," she called as she walked away.

James took notice of the absence of his name and scowled. "I don't understand her!" he muttered angrily. "What did I do?"

Sirius and Remus exchanged looks. "Are we missing something? Because ever since the hospital wing visit you've been acting very strange."

James sighed and looked up at them. They could see the plethora of emotions written on his face and how tired and drawn he looked. "It started right after you left…" he informed them.

* * *

She was angry, angry that James was being so defensive and wouldn't acknowledge her. Like it or not, Lily had changed their relationship two days ago when she kissed him. She could have dealt with it if he continued acting the same or if he had confronted her right away, but she didn't like the way he was handling things.

Either it was just a kiss- a mistake, or he liked it and wanted to do it again. It should be simple for him. Lily's knees went weak just in remembrance of that kiss. How could he not have felt that same energy?

She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice the person in front of her until she slammed into him. He backed away and brushed his clothes off in disgust. "We have to stop meeting like this," Lily said dryly.

"So you're still alive then? Pity, I was hoping the werewolf ate you," Snape sneered.

She pulled herself up off the cold stone floor. "Why if I didn't know any better, I'd think that you didn't like me!"

"You don't deserve to be liked mudblood. You're nothing."

"So what does that make you half-blood?" Lily asked with a raised eyebrow.

He paled. "How do you know about that?" His voice shook.

"Severus, we're the two best potions students in the school. I've seen your textbook, your ideas. You label it half-blood prince. It isn't hard to figure out."

"You've been going through my things? I'll have to clean them then. You probably contaminated them."

"Well if you find grease, that's not mine. That's from your hair," she remarked calmly. She could see why the marauders taunted him so much. It was kind of fun.

"Watch your step Evans," he warned. "Some of my friends aren't very happy with you."

Lily was shocked. She was fairly certain that he was giving her veiled advice. "What will they do, try and kill me?" she chuckled. "It didn't work the past couple of times remember?"

"Yes well third try is the charm," another voice said.

She turned towards Rodolphus and tried not to lose her cool. "You know I'm quite good at charms, and I've found that usually it works best if you get it right the first time," she told him offhandedly.

"Where's your little boyfriend Potter? Did he finally see you for the mudblood you really are?" he taunted.

Lily glared. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Of course he's not. Who'd like you? Although I have to admit you were really nice and tight when I was 'with' you. I heard I left a scar when I was through."

Lily stiffened. She didn't know how to reply to that.

She didn't have to. The marauders had all come out of the Great Hall after hearing James' story in order to get some things straightened out, and they immediately began throwing curses at the two Slytherins after they heard the last comment.

James looked furious and it seemed an unspoken agreement that he was to take on Rodolphus while the others took care of Snape. Finally both of the Slytherins were bound.

"Don't you dare go near Lily ever again," James snarled.

"I don't need to. I've already got what I've wanted from her," Rodolphus laughed coldly.

James was about ready to retort, but Lily stopped him. "30 points from Slytherin for your insults," she snapped. With a wave of her wand they were released from their bonds. "I suggest leaving before I make it more." They slunk off admitting defeat.

There was an awkward silence. "Did you guys want something?" Lily broke the silence impatiently.

"Can I talk to you alone?" Remus asked her.

She glanced at him curiously. "Sure. Let's go to class early. No one will be there." He nodded his consent and they left off for their conversation.

Remus sat opposite Lily at a table in the charms classroom. "You kissed James," he said bluntly.

She rolled her eyes. "I know. I _was_ there."

"Do you love him?"

Lily nodded. "I do. I mean, I'm pretty sure. Has he said anything about liking me?" she asked hopefully.

He hesitated. "Well…he hasn't said anything yet, but I can tell that he's realizing something. I just don't know what."

She sighed. "Well its better than nothing."

"You two belong together, and I think James is possibly finally realizing it. I don't think he understood his feelings for you before. They took a while to develop."

"You're so good with relationships! Who do you like?" Lily asked curiously. She was so wrapped up in herself this year that she hadn't thought about her friends liking anyone.

He scowled. "There are laws Lily. Werewolves can't marry or have children."

Lily frowned. "That's horrible! Maybe we can change the ministry's bias someday. Is there anyone out there you fancy though?"

Remus looked thoughtful. "No. There's no one out there that I've met yet who I've really felt a connection to. Maybe there's just no one meant for me."

"Or maybe she's just really young or hasn't even been born yet or she's living off in some other country or is someone you never took the time to really get to know," Lily suggested. "Personally I see you as the cradle robber type," she giggled.

He laughed. "Well wizards live longer so it's considered more acceptable to marry someone very different in age, but I don't think I'd be comfortable with dating someone who I could almost be the father of."

Lily just smiled knowing that his mind could change if he felt the way about someone extremely young that she felt about James. "You're coming to the memorial ceremony right?" Lily asked changing the subject.

He nodded in the affirmative. "I wouldn't miss it. I have to ask though, what are you going to do if some of the Slytherins try to start something?"

Her expression darkened and her green eyes flashed alarmingly. "I'll be on the look out and so will the other prefects. If anyone tries to ruin this, I will do something about it."

He raised an eyebrow, although he was inclined to believe her fierce facial expression. "And what will you do?"

She smirked. "Hex them like there's no tomorrow."

He mock shuddered. "Remind me not to get on your bad side," he said fighting to keep a straight face.

She glared at him and punched his arm jokingly. "Consider yourself reminded."

* * *

That Saturday dawned bright and early. The sun came up over the horizon without a hint of reluctance and not a single cloud blemished the sky. The crisp clear day seemed the perfect time to make peace and for that Lily was relieved.

Today all of her planning would be put into action. The memorial service was in a couple of hours. She had put notices up concerning it all around the school. She hoped that people would show up and take it seriously.

This event was entirely on her shoulders. She hadn't trusted anyone to plan it with her except the headmaster. She had prepared a speech in which she would reveal certain things about herself that had been kept under wraps all year. She wasn't much of a public speaker, but she felt strongly enough about this that she could face her fears.

Dressing herself in her school robes, Lily fumbled around her room. She had to get ready and get to the ceremony early to set up. It was going to take place outside by the lake, and Lily had to bring out all of the supplies there. She knew that a good portion of three of the houses was going to show up.

She walked briskly out of the head tower, not even pausing to notice the intent stare that James was giving her full of longing.

As she passed through the corridors of the school on her way outside, she gave a group of shifty looking 5th year Slytherins a warning glare that seemed to send them the message she wanted provoked loud and clear.

Finally she reached the enormous doors leading outdoors and flung them open. A good portion of the setting up work was already done, presumably by house elves. She took out her wand and with a flick the needed materials were in place. Lily hoped that people fully appreciated her work and took the event as seriously as she intended them to.

It seemed like ages before students began trickling outside and sitting in the provided chairs. Lily was feeling extremely restless. She sincerely hoped that this event today would portray a deep and meaningful message to everyone. To those who had lost someone she hoped that it would provide peace and closure. To those who were curious and ignorant to the war she hoped it brought knowledge and understanding. To those who were on the brink of choosing the side that wrought this pain she hoped it brought second thoughts.

Eventually the groups of her peers had all reached their seats. Lily noted that James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter were in the front row with a small smile. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach as she stood and cast the sonorous spell, but she pushed them away determinedly.

"Welcome," she smiled and the crowd quieted. "Thank you for coming. At the beginning of the school year Professor Dumbledore approached James and me and asked if we had any ideas for this year. Immediately a thought of a memorial service sprang to mind." She paused and looked around noting that already some of the students in the back were looking bored. She mused that they had come just because it seemed like the right thing to do. Maybe she could change their minds.

"You see this past summer my family was attacked." Everyone seemed to grow more alert at her words. Surely if the head girl's family had been attacked they would have known! "And I was there. I survived the death eater attack." There were a few gasps but otherwise the crowd was utterly silent.

"My mother and father were killed." Lily took a deep shuddering breath before continuing. "They made me watch. I fought back, but I was outnumbered. They got my wand, and well, I guess the only word for what they did to me was torture." The mass of people was shocked. Few remained neutral, but others looked close to tears.

"The Ministry came, and the death eaters apparated away before they could finish me off. I went to the hospital and woke to find a ministry official there to talk to me. I was handed the Daily Prophet and saw my story on the front page. It felt foreign, unreal. I could scarcely believe that the article was talking about me. I kept it a secret. It was for my own safety and privacy."

Lily drew another deep breath. This part of her story was perhaps the toughest, and she knew this was what everyone wanted to hear. The rumors had circulated for weeks after, and she was aware that every single person was curious as to what happened that one Hogsmeade weekend that put her in the hospital wing and made her miss class. "I was attacked again just before Halloween. Some of the students who will remain nameless were a part of the original attack on me and wanted to finish the job."

Lily's demeanor cracked, and her speech wavered for a moment. "They wanted to draw it out. They embarrassed me, stripped me, stabbed me. Again they ran out of time and fled before someone came across me." The students looked horrified as they tried to picture what had happened. "Their friends covered for them. They got away with it," she finished her story sadly.

"So here I am today standing before you. I'm a survivor." She held up a long scroll of parchment. "This is a list of all the casualties of the war on either side. There's too many. A single life lost is too many. I've organized this program today as a way to remember them. Remember the dead. Remember the injured. Remember the lost. Remember that this war effects anyone and everyone." Her gaze swept across the scene in front of her solemnly as she took in the somber tone.

Her expression softened. "Remember that there is always hope and a new day. Remember to live life to its fullest. Remember to take a stand for what you believe in. Remember to love."

She took out two candles and lit them with the tip of her wand. "Remember Rose Evans. Remember John Evans." The candles up in the air and descended gently onto the lake where they floated.

James stood up and walked over to her. He cast a sonorous charm on himself and grabbed a candle. "Remember Jonathon Potter," he intoned as he lit the candle and watched it float over and join Lily's.

People rose from their seats and grabbed their own candles, each dedicating it to their own person. Soon the lake was filled with floating candles, all shapes and colors, specially personalized by each person.

"The candles will stay on the lake tonight if you want to come back and see them. After that they will be the candles around the school for the rest of the year," Lily informed the crowd. "Our futures burn bright as our past dims but never extinguishes. It molds us into our own unique forms. It may waver, seem insignificant at times, but it never truly disappears. May these candles be an eternal symbol to you, acting as tangible representations of your life and the lives of those who have fallen."

She exited ahead of the crowd in silence. Lily strongly felt like she had left a permanent mark on these people. Perhaps she had even changed the course of a few lives. She could only hope.


	12. Chapter 12

PART XII

Over the next several days a good portion of the student population had come up and spoken to Lily about how wonderful her program was and how much it had affected them. She was a bit overwhelmed with the compliments but was happy to have helped.

Studying for NEWTs was becoming an increasingly important activity in Lily's day to day life, and she was feeling a bit stressed over the massive amounts of information she was trying to intake.

James and Sirius were being extremely frustrating in that they hadn't cracked open a single book as of yet and seemed not to have a care in the world. Remus was Lily's study partner and both of them helped Peter.

Lily was relieved that the service was over. It was one thing crossed off of her to do list. Her head was reeling with all of her activities. Never before had her life been this complicated. Of course never before had she been head girl, studying for exams, and juggling friends all at the same time.

"Ugh!" Lily yelled slamming her book shut. "I can't think! I'm so dumb. I'm going to fail everything. I just know it!"

Remus glanced at her sympathetically. "You're the smartest witch in our year. If you failed everything, than everyone else would receive trolls in every subject. They can't give a test that's so hard that everyone will fail."

"There's just too much!" Lily continued her rant hysterically ignoring Remus. "Charms, potions, transfiguration… how can they possibly expect us to remember things we covered one day in class years ago?"

"You'll be fine!" he tried to assure her.

"Sirius!" Lily called as he and James entered the room. His head swung around, and he looked at her curiously. "When was the act of reimbursement concerning magical creatures created and what does it say?" she asked desperately.

"It was made in 1632 after the goblin war. The ministry bargained with the goblins and they settled on reimbursing them with portions of land where all of the Gringott's are now built," he replied nonchalantly. "Everyone knows that."

Lily put her face in her hands and groaned. "Why don't I just die? Then I won't have to take these stupid exams and flunk them!"

James looked rather alarmed at her words. "Don't say that!" he told her, his voice bursting with an unidentifiable emotion. "Don't even joke about that!"

"Why?" she asked tiredly. "It's not like you even care," she added bitterly. She knew that last bit was untrue. After all he had saved her life multiple times this year. But she was still angry with how awkward things were between them.

"Lily!" He looked pained. "Of course I…"

"Spare me," she cut him off. "I have to get going anyway. I'm meeting Benjy in the library." She packed up her study materials.

"Benjy?" James asked sharply, completely forgetting his previous topic. "Is he your new boyfriend or something?"

She glared at him. "None of your business," she snapped. "Bye Remus, Sirius," she nodded to them on her way out.

The portrait door closed behind her. "She makes me so furious!" James announced to the room. "Why does she do that?"

"Because you love her?" Sirius suggested.

"No I don't! I'm too young to be in love! It's just a crush!" he protested.

"So you admit you like her at least!" Sirius cried.

He rolled his eyes. "It's just a crush! It's got to be!"

"Admit it James! You love her. You've known it for years. You're just scared. You don't want to end up like your mother."

"Don't you dare talk about my mother!" James was furious. His face was red and veins on his neck stood out.

"No! You need to hear this! I loved your parents. They were incredibly generous to me. But your mother hasn't been the same since the attack! You know that, and that's why you're so scared to be with Lily! You don't want to love someone as much as your mother loved your father just to lose them!"

"Shut up! You don't know what you're talking about! Leave me alone!" He stormed out of the head common room and slammed the door to his room shut. Sirius and Remus could distinctly hear him cast some locking spells.

The two remaining Gryffindors exchanged looks silently. Lily and James were so frustrating! They needed to get together. They obviously were in love. But they had so many issues!

* * *

Lily stalked out of the room and headed down towards the library. How was it humanly possible for someone to irritate her so much? James confused her beyond belief. He saved her life. They kissed. He acted jealous. Why wouldn't he ask her out? Did he just not like her? Was he just as confused as she was?

Lily felt kind of bad for lying to him though. She hoped he didn't try and talk to Benjy. He probably barely knew who she was. That would certainly lead to an awkward situation.

She was broken out of her thoughts as she noticed Peter coming up a set of stairs. "Why were you in the dungeons?" she asked puzzled.

His eyes widened slightly and he twitched almost imperceptively. "Practicing for potions," he answered quickly. "I'm so nervous! I just know that I'm going to fail."

She smiled at him. "Don't worry. You've been doing great when Remus and I tutor you. Do you want to go over anything right now?"

He nodded in reply, and they set off for the library. They sat in a table towards the back.

Lily looked up and saw Benjy sitting by himself. "Excuse me for a moment," she whispered out of the corner of her mouth to Peter. She slid into the chair next to Benjy. "Hey," she said cheerfully.

He looked up from his book. "Hi," he replied a little confused. "Can I help you with something?"

She grinned broadly. "Well since you asked…I kind of told James that we were meeting here to study, so if he asks later, can you please tell him we did?" she requested hopefully.

He looked at her suspiciously. "Sure, but why?"

Lily blushed slightly. "To make him jealous of course!"

He sighed. "Fine. If he asks I'll tell him we had plans."

"Thanks so much!" she gushed. "I'll see you later!" She walked back over to Peter. "I'm back!" she announced.

"What was that about?" he asked curiously.

Lily rolled her eyes and explained the situation to him.

Peter looked uncharacteristically thoughtful. "You know instead of making him jealous and forcing him to start the conversation, maybe you should just confront him." Lily looked mildly horrified so he hurried on. "I know you want him to be the one to admit his feelings to you and to ask you out. You're pretty shy with that kind of stuff. But James is extremely stubborn. Maybe if you kind of trap him, you can make him admit to things. Take it into your own hands!"

"Merlin Peter! That's brilliant! When did you get so smart?" Lily questioned enthusiastically.

He smiled smugly. "Oh I've always been brilliant. I just try not to brag about it."

She snorted. "You do a _really_ good job of hiding it then."

"Hey!" he acted offended. "Be nice to the guy who just gave you excellent advice on your love life!"

"You're right. I'm sorry. If your studying skills are as good as your advice then you have nothing to worry about for NEWTs."

"Then let's hope," Peter joked. "I don't really need your help now. Go get your man!"

"You know I think I will!" Lily agreed.

* * *

She walked briskly down the corridors staring determinedly ahead. No one on earth at this point in time could distract her from completing this one task. Her eyes burned with a passionate fire that had rarely been visible since the attacks. To put it simply, she was a woman on a mission.

"Where is he?" she asked Remus and Sirius impatiently.

They seemed to have noticed the change in her demeanor for they just wordlessly pointed towards his bedroom door, their mouths flopping open.

Lily took no notice. She pulled her wand out from her robe pocket and murmured a slur of countercharms. She flung the door open and then slammed it behind her. James looked up at her startled. "Charms is my specialty. There's not a single locking charm I can't get through," she informed him.

"What are you doing here?" he questioned. "Shouldn't you be studying with Benjy?"

"Oh I made that up," Lily replied offhandedly. "I wanted to see your reaction, but a good friend of mine talked some sense into me. So now I'm going to talk, and you're going to sit and listen."

James looked slightly outraged at her first words, but after the intense glare she shot him he backed down.

"Ever since the kiss you've been acting weird, and you won't talk about it! I need to know! Do you like me at all? Was it a mistake? I've been waiting and waiting for you to come talk to me about it, but I guess you were too scared! All this year the only one that I've wanted was you! The thing with Remus was a set-up. I forced him to go along with it. Davy was my first kiss, and as much as I hated to admit it. I didn't want him to be it. I wanted it to be you. You've messed with my emotions for years now! You always flirted with me to embarrass me, and I resented you for it. But now I realize the reason why it got to me so bad was because I liked you. Please James, please, give me an answer. Do you like me or not? I miss you so much. Things are so different now. I swear if you don't want anything more, I'll leave it. But I need you in my life as at least a friend. I love you, you idiot!" she covered her mouth shocked as the last words escaped her lips. She wasn't planning on telling him _that_, at least not before he answered her question.

James was dumbfounded. His heart raced as Lily spoke so clearly and emotionally. He heard her declaration and did the first thing that came to mind.

He picked himself up off of his bed and wrapped his arms around her. Her tiny frame sank into his, and he didn't think that he could identify a more perfect fit anywhere. She shivered slightly in anticipation or nervousness he didn't know. I love you too," he whispered.

Lily's heart burst with joy at those four uttered words. She didn't think she had ever heard a more beautiful sound in her entire existence. His mouth covered hers, and she was lost in a sea of ecstasy.

She broke away and looked him square in the eyes. "You mean it?" she asked hopefully.

He couldn't help but smile at her perfectly innocent tone. She was practically angelic. "I do." He smirked. "Will you please be my girlfriend? I'd appreciate if you answered a bit differently this time than all of the previous ones."

Lily looked thoughtfully. "Hmm…" she giggled. "Well considering I just declared my love for you, I should probably say yes."

She paused for a long time. "Any time babe," he prodded.

She pouted. "Oh all right. Yes, James Potter I would love to be your girlfriend."

He grinned easily. "I always knew that you'd pick me over the giant squid," he teased.

Lily ruffled his hair. "Hey it was a pretty close decision." They smiled happily at each other for a few more moments. "Oh my gosh! I have to tell Remus!" she darted out of the room, leaving James standing there alone.

He shook his head. "She's such a girl sometimes!" he murmured.


	13. Chapter 13

XIII

Lily shrieked as she saw Remus, Sirius, and a newly arrived Peter sitting calmly in the common room. She raced towards Peter and kissed him loudly on the cheek. She pushed herself in between Sirius and Remus on the couch.

"Easy there Lily. I thought it was James you were interested in not Wormtail," Sirius commented amused.

She raised a suggestive eyebrow at him. "Oh I am definitely interested in James. But you see this amazing genius here," she gestured to Peter, "gave me some fabulous advice that led to me reeling in a certain head boy we all know and love."

"My idea worked?" Peter inquired hopefully.

"You and James got together?" Remus asked happily.

"You think Peter's smart?" Sirius questioned incredulously. Everyone turned towards him and rolled their eyes.

"Yes to all three!" Lily announced cheerfully. "I've never been happier!"

"I've only got one question," Remus said. "Why are you with us and not him?"

Her eyes widened. "Shoot! I kind of just left him there. See you three later!" She dashed out of the room.

"Let's see today's the 24th," Sirius said inspecting a calendar. "That means that…Wormtail won the pool." He scowled. "No fair! You cheated. You convinced her to do it today!"

He shrugged smugly. "She didn't _have_ to listen to me. Pay up boys!" he extended his hand triumphantly.

The other two grumbled and handed over 5 galleons each.

"I still say that it was cheating," Sirius muttered under his breath.

Remus brightened. "Oh now we can bet on when he'll propose! There's still time to redeem myself!"

Sirius gasped. "You should be ashamed of yourself, planning to bet on a marriage when the relationship has just started." Seeing the other two eyeing him he added, "At least wait 24 hours before placing your bets. Its much classier."

Remus snorted. "Somehow I don't think that you and classy could ever be used in the same sentence."

"I'll have you know that Patty told me that I was very classy. I held a door open for her!" He replied indignantly.

"The door to a broom cupboard you mean?" he remarked dryly.

"Well yes, but that's besides the point!" Sirius spluttered.

"I think that is exactly the point," Peter cut in helpfully.

Sirius stuck his tongue out at him. "No one asked you, you little cheater!"

"Oh come on! You would have done the exact same thing in my position!"

"Ah ha!" Sirius jumped up with his finger pointed. "So you admit you cheated!"

"I did no such thing!" Peter denied. "I just nudged her along."

"You told her to practically corner him and not take no for an answer!" Remus exclaimed.

"Again I say she didn't have to listen! I won the bet, because I _nudged her along_."

A male voice cleared his throat and the three Gryffindors heads whipped around to face the new couple. "Betting on us?" James asked amused.

They all shook their heads frantically muttering random denials in an indiscernible cacophony of sound.

"How long were you standing there?" Sirius asked.

"Well at least now we know. Maybe next time they bet on us we can rig it!" Lily suggested sarcastically ignoring his question.

"Are you implying that I'm going to propose to you?" James asked mock shocked. "Don't you think we're rushing things? I mean we've been dating for about oh…30 minutes now," he said checking his watch.

She nodded very seriously. "I know I know, you've kind of got a commitment phobia. I won't rush you. But I do expect a proposal no later than 5 minutes from now."

"No pressure there," he said rolling his eyes.

"Don't worry. We'll take things slow," she assured him. "I mean I don't even know how long it'll be before I get sick of you," she teased.

"Just what every bloke wants to hear from his girlfriend!"

"Hey! At least I didn't say I was sick of you already," Lily pointed out.

"True," James nodded and then dropped the subject. "I can't believe we're graduating so soon!" He spoke breaking the comfortable silence that had enveloped them.

"Don't remind me!" Lily said. "As soon as school is over I have to go back to living next to this loser!" She pointed at Sirius.

"Uh!" Sirius gasped. "You know you love it. It'll be so fun, like a giant party! I can go into your room whenever I want, and I can see who's been in your room all I want," he added slyly.

Lily and James blushed. She recovered quickly. "And I can go into your room all I want," she whispered in his ear as she sat on the couch next to him. Lily inwardly marveled at how much braver she had become over the course of the year.

His amused reaction changed to a shocked and uncomfortable immediately. "Gee Lily what are you insinuating?" he finally managed to speak.

She glanced over at James and suppressed giggles at the angry expression on his face. "Oh you know, I can look through all of your stuff, see what you're trying to hide."

James relaxed, but Sirius did not. "Oh, I didn't think of that. How about I just stay out of your flat and you stay out of mine," he suggested.

She grinned. "I think we can still hang out in each other's place when we have permission."

"And you won't go poking through my things?"

"I promise."

The tension in his facial features immediately relaxed. "Great! Like I said it'll be like a giant party, Evans!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Merlin I have to move!" she leaned into Remus and groaned exasperatedly.

James stiffened. "Lily can I talk to you…alone?" he asked firmly.

She looked at him curiously. "Sure. I'll be back guys," she announced. Standing up, she followed James' lead and walked into his bedroom. "What did you want to talk about?" she questioned.

"I don't like you flirting with guys right in front of me!" he snapped. "We just started dating, and already I'm not sure if I can trust you."

Lily stepped back as if slapped. "I…I wasn't flirting, I swear!" she insisted. "It's just Remus, Peter, and Sirius. They're _your friends_. And what do you mean you don't trust me?" she demanded. "If anyone shouldn't trust someone else, it should be me! You've gone out with over half of the girls in school at one point or another. For all I know I'm just another notch on your belt or whatever."

He glared at her. "How could you even think that? You know very well that it's taken years for me to realize exactly how serious I was about you. I just told you I love you less than an hour ago!"

"And I told you that I love you first! Look I'm sorry if you think I was flirting. I've just never had a boyfriend before, and I have no idea how to act. I do love you though James. I don't want to be with anyone but you."

His expression softened. "I'm sorry too. I was completely out of line, acting like an extremely jealous boyfriend. I know you better than that. I love you too, and I do trust you." He leaned down and kissed her gently.

Lily broke away, giggling. "You do realize that that was our first official fight as a couple?" she asked.

"At the moment I find that I'm more interested in our first official make-up as a couple," James responded and pulled her in for a nice long snog.


	14. Chapter 14

PART XIV

NEWTs were coming quickly upon them. 7th years were frantically studying for the biggest exams of their lives and 5th years were nearly as bad. Lily could have sworn she had even seen Sirius cracking a book. She and Remus had continued tutoring Peter over the next few days, and he had made remarkable strides. Lily was quite sure that he would pass nearly all of his exams with relative ease.

James had begun studying when he and Lily began dating. It was an excuse to be with her, and truth be told, he didn't want to be the one in the group with the lowest grades. Remus and Lily were absolute perfectionists when it came to grades, Peter had been studying madly for the past couple of months, and Sirius was annoyingly good at everything thanks to his extremely strict pureblood upbringing as a child.

Finally the first date of NEWTs dawned. James awoke slumped over a table, a book being used as his pillow.

"Good morning!" Lily said brightly as she exited her room, properly dressed and looking perfect.

He groaned. "How can you be so pleasant? You've been a wreck for weeks and now you're fine!"

She smiled. "Oh I'm sure that about 5 minutes from now the calming potion I've taken will wear off. I do better on exams when I've got that adrenaline rush going, you know get the mind pumping, but I absolutely can't get myself ready or eat when I'm that nervous. Were you down here all night?" she asked concerned.

He nodded his head unhappily. "I was studying for charms, nasty bugger of a class."

"I'll have you know that's my favorite subject!" she said indignantly. "Just because we don't have to, oh I don' t know, change a frog into a dartboard doesn't mean its not interesting."

James smiled at the mental picture of a frog dartboard. "Yes it does," he answered simply. "I mean levitating and such is important, but I could care less about how to add twinkling lights to a tree or charming a book to sing." He thought a moment. "Scratch that, some of these things could be good prank material."

She pursed her lips in a look reminiscent of Professor McGonagall. "You're head boy!" she reminded him disapprovingly. "You really need to act more responsibly now. I mean you're practically an adult and you almost overslept for exams." She checked her watch. "EXAMS!" she hollered. "Oh my Merlin! We have to go. I have to study. I'm blanking. I'm completely clueless. Was the Elf Uprising in 1243 of 1423? The numbers are getting all switched in my head! Help me James!"

He rolled his eyes. "It's definitely been 5 minutes," he muttered under his breath. "Come along Lily dear. We're going down to the Great Hall now. We have charms first. Remember charms? It's the subject you just said you loved," he reminded her calmly. He cast a spell on his clothes quickly that made them clean and tidy looking. Then he pulled Lily down to the place where exams were to take place.

They reached the room just in time to hear Sirius being called in. He waved at them with a broad grin on his face and tossed a carefree wink at a swooning witch next to him. Then he was gone through the enormous suddenly quite intimidating doors. Lily and James exchanged incredulous looks. "He's mental," they said together.

A few moments later it was Lily's turn. James went over to wait with Remus and Peter. "Hey guys," he said with a smile. "You ready?" he questioned.

Remus nodded quite seriously but remained silent, a look of intense concentration on his face. Peter though looked quite nervous and seemed to have developed a noticeable twitch. "Yes…I mean I think so," he replied. "How about you?"

"I'm nervous," he admitted. "But I think I'll be fine." He chuckled. "Oh man you should have seen Lily this morning. She was a complete wreck. It was quite funny."

"Lupin, Remus?" an aged wizard called.

Remus stood up and took a deep breath. He left with heartfelt wishes of good luck from all of his near by peers.

Finally Peter was called and James along with him. He entered the room and saw Remus in the corner with the aged wizard performing what looked like a complicated charm used to change the hair color of the caster.

He turned towards the old witch assigned to examine him. "So what's first?" he asked.

Without cracking a smile she informed him of a list of charms he ought to know and what order to do them in. James was happy to say that he did all of them at least mostly correct. He was confident in saying that he scraped together at the least an acceptable.

"So how'd you do?" he questioned his girlfriend who was frantically searching through a book.

"Um…just fine… I mean will you hold on?" She sounded frazzled. Finally the page turning stopped. "Yes!" she shut the book triumphantly. "I got it right."

He looked at Lily amusedly. "Did you just look through an entire textbook because you weren't sure of one answer?"

She looked at him and in a voice that one would use to explain something to a small child concluded, "Yes." She pulled out yet another book from her bag. "Now leave me alone. Transfiguration is next and Merlin knows that I need the most help on that."

He rolled his eyes. "I love you too," he said sarcastically before walking away to go chat with Sirius. "Hey mate. How'd it go?" he asked his friend.

"Piece of cake," Sirius replied. "Honestly, I don't understand why people make such a big deal about exams. Its not like they're hard or anything."

James chuckled. "Well Padfoot, not everyone has your immense intellect."

"I know," he replied arrogantly. "Beauty and brains, no wonder the ladies love me!"

"And so modest!" James exclaimed. "I've never met a more humbler wizard than you. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to brush up on a few facts before the exam."

"Bye," Sirius shouted, receiving angry looks from the others around them trying to study. "What did I do?" he asked dumbfounded as someone through a quill at him.


	15. Chapter 15

PART XV

Time moved rapidly and soon all of the exams were done. James and Peter were relieved, Sirius was nonchalant, but Remus and Lily were still constantly discussing all of their answers. Finally James had had enough.

"Will you please stop talking about the NEWTs? Dwelling on your answers isn't going to improve your scores. They're over! Now all we can do is wait for the results."

Remus and Lily had the grace to look sheepish. "Sorry," they muttered simultaneously.

"I'm just so nervous!" Lily admitted. "I want to do extra well because I feel like I have to prove something since I'm muggleborn. I don't even know when results come out."

"A few days after graduation," Sirius said helpfully. "We'll be needing them to apply for jobs and such won't we? So the ministry tries to get them out as soon as possible."

"So we're going to know what we got in a few days?" Peter looked petrified. "I'm absolutely certain I did awful. I don't want to have to deal with finding a job with meager scores right as summer starts! I thought that there would be more time."

"Don't look so glum old chum," James clapped him on the back. "You could always be a bum." He grinned broadly at his rhyming. "See Lily wasn't that clever?" he said nudging the redhead next to him.

"Oh yes, just from that alone I can tell you'll be receiving Outstandings in all of your NEWTs," she replied with a roll of her emerald eyes. "At least you're pretty," she cooed at him patting his cheek. Highly disgruntled, James swatted her hand away.

"Hey now," Sirius said. "Let's not get carried away here. We should all remember that _I'm_ the one in this little group with the pretty face."

"And yet you're also the only one here who has never held a relationship for longer than a week," Lily responded innocently.

"I can't be managed by just one girl!" he exclaimed in a shocked tone. "I need lots. And besides, isn't it like my duty to the female population to snog every single one of them? I can't deprive them of me!"

Lily pretended to gag. "How on earth could someone ever possibly be interested in _you_?"

James smiled. "That's exactly the kind of talk I like to hear from my girl! You have no idea how many birds I've lost to this git." He put his arm around her and Lily leaned in happily.

"Graduation rehearsal starts soon," Remus said standing up from his seat. "We better get there, wouldn't want our head boy and head girl to show up late." The others complied and reluctantly vacated their comfortable positions.

* * *

"What?" Lily asked. "We have to give a speech?"

"Yes Ms. Evans," Professor Dumbledore responded with a kind smile and a twinkle in his eye. "The heads do it every year."

"But I can't!" Lily cried. "I won't! I'm not a public speaker!"

"Oh I'm sure you'll be splendid. You did such a good job at the memorial service earlier this year," he assured her. "Besides it _is_ tradition."

She sighed. "Fine, I suppose I'll do it for tradition's sake."

"Splendid!" he clapped his hands together. "Now both of you will give your speeches at graduation right before all of the names are called." He glanced at James. "And do at least attempt to make them school appropriate. Some students will have their parents there, and I highly doubt they will find certain humor entertaining."

James looked shocked. "Me sir? I'm never anything but politically correct." He leaned in and jerked his thumb towards Lily. "Personally I think it's this one here you have to worry about. She's little but she can be quite vicious."

The headmaster chuckled. "Yes she can be quite brutal when it comes to sharing her opinions" he replied.

"Hello? Standing right here," Lily waved her arms around. "No need to talk about me like I'm not."

"I'm terribly sorry Ms. Evans, I meant no offense," Dumbledore turned to her apologetically.

She sniffed. "It's okay," she said mustering up all of the dignity she had left. "So the actual ceremony is tomorrow at 6 right?"

"Correct. I suggest you get started on your speeches as soon as possible. I can't believe I forgot to mention earlier that you both had to give them. I have found that giving speeches off the top of your head can result in sometimes quite embarrassing blunders."

"You make mistakes?" James asked incredulously. "I've never ever seen you make a single one."

"Well naturally I have my faults. I am human. I've just gotten better at covering them up. Why do you think for my beginning of the term speech I always start off with my favorite random words? It gives me time to think of what to say."

"Huh no kidding," James looked thoughtful. "I never would've guessed. I just thought you were mad."

"James!" Lily gasped at his bluntness and slapped his arm.

Dumbledore smiled kindly. "I prefer the term eccentric, and I'm not at all denying that I am. Now get back in line with the others. We'll be running through the order in a few moments."

The two Gryffindors did as they were told, and the rehearsal began. It was dreadfully tedious and Lily hoped that the ceremony itself would not be nearly as monotonous. After she was done with her part she had to wait for the rest of the alphabet to do theirs. Sometimes having a last name starting with a letter towards the beginning of the alphabet could be a disadvantage. As she had nothing left to do but sit and wait, Lily found herself drifting off into a peaceful nap. She hadn't gotten much sleep lately what with stress about the NEWTs.

_She was in a garden of some sort. Classical music was wafting around her and the breeze caught her dress making the skirt billow. Looking down upon herself she saw that she was dressed all in white. A clear blue pond nearby caught her eye and she hurried quietly over to it. Gazing at her reflection she realized that she was very made up and that the dress was really a gown. On her head though it was pulled back she recognized a veil. She was obviously getting married. In the foggy way that one sees their dreams, Lily spun around as a voice sounded._

_"Lily, James was wondering where you'd gotten off to," Sirius said as he trotted up to her. "Actually he was worried sick. He thought that he had already lost his wife not even half way through the reception."_

_Lily practically glowed at the mention of the word wife. "He's just being silly. Of course he hadn't lost me. I'm not an object to be misplaced."_

_"That's not the kind of lost he meant," Sirius replied. "You know how protective he is of you and how much your being in the Order scares him."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Alright Best Man, let's go find my husband." She took his arm and he led her back to the party. James' face lit up immediately upon seeing her. "I heard you were looking for me Potter," she said in a tone reminiscent of their 5th year._

_"Of course I wasn't!" He looked highly affronted. "I wouldn't dare try and steal you away from the giant squid, Mrs. Potter."_

_She smiled and looped her arms around his neck as they began to dance. "I love the sound of that. Mrs. Potter, Lily Potter, Lily Evans Potter."_

_"Music to my ears," he told her happily. "I still can't believe it. We're married! I feel so old."_

_"Just wait until we have kids!" Lily giggled._

_He waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "What do you say we get started on that now?"_

_"James!" she gasped. "We can't leave in the middle of the reception! This is a once in a lifetime event. Please just one more hour. Then we can go."_

_He pouted. "But **this** is a pretty big event too, a very big event," he said forwardly. _

_Lily blushed. "Oh I don't know. I bet it's not that big of a deal."_

_He looked at her with puppy dog eyes. "Please! I waited because you wanted to, but now that we're married it's perfectly moral."_

_Lily sighed. "Fine, if you insist. I guess I'll go and shag you."_

_"Oh! Well if you put it that way, than I'm not in the mood now." James crossed his arms and spoke in an exaggerated hurt tone._

_"Not in the mood for what?" Remus asked as he, Sirius, and Peter walked over to the couple._

_"They're talking about sex," Sirius announced a bit loudly. Some of the people nearby gave them strange looks. He turned towards the blushing couple. "You know if you need any advice feel free to ask. I have plenty of experience."_

_Peter snorted. "You've had plenty of one night stands. Ever wonder why they don't come back?"_

_Sirius tutted. "You know I think I like you better when you're all quiet and nervous. This new bold Peter isn't really working for me."_

_"Oh leave him alone! Be nice. It's my wedding day!" Lily said._

_"Don't you mean our wedding day?" James asked._

_"No it's mine, all mine. I take all the credit. Besides you didn't help with any of the arrangements anyway. I really need some friends who are girls. This thing was a nightmare to plan by myself."_

_"You're the one who wanted a big wedding," James pointed out. "I was all for getting eloped."_

_"Well if I had to do it again than…"_ But Lily didn't get to finish her sentence because someone shaking her softly jerked her awake.

"Hey Lily it's over. Everyone else has gone in," James told her.

Lily looked around and saw that Sirius, Remus, and Peter were also waiting for her. "Oh sorry. I guess I was just really tired."

"Have an interesting dream?" Sirius asked.

She looked at him sharply. "No, why do you ask?"

"You had this huge smile on your face and you were muttering something under your breath. I didn't catch what you said though."

Lily paled and then sighed in relief that he didn't hear anything. "It was nothing," she spoke quickly.

"Oh now I remember!" Sirius said gleefully. "You said James. You were having a sex dream about James!"

Lily turned the color of her hair. "It wasn't like that you little pervert. Actually all of you were in it too," she added thoughtfully.

"What was it about?" Peter asked curiously.

"Maybe I'll tell you someday when the embarrassment has died down a bit." Lily stood up and stretched. "Come on. I have to get started on my speech." The others walked inside with her.


	16. Chapter 16

PART XVI

Lily thought long and hard about her speech. She wanted to word it perfectly. It had to reflect back on the past seven years and look towards the future all at the same time. James wasn't at all stressed about it, but when was he ever about anything academic? Lily knew that whatever he said would be brilliant and that really only half of the student body would be listening because all of the girls would be too busy checking him out. Part of Lily, the selfish part, wanted to outshine him in her writing. She wanted to show everyone that she could write insightful witty words that they would remember for years to come.

Finally the moment had arrived. Lily had primped and polished herself and felt that surely she looked presentable and maybe dare she even think it, pretty. Her Gryffindor robes were ironed and her badge was polished. She wore her hair in ringlets that had taken her hours of hard work to do- she never was a hair person. Her makeup was while subtle, still noticeable and made her look quite becoming.

She and James made their way to the front of the Great Hall, stopping only after they had reached the place where the teachers' table usually stood. All of the house tables had disappeared and instead a sea of chairs filled the room. Lily watched at James cast the Sonorous spell upon himself.

"Hey," he said giving a little wave. "I can't believe we're finally here. There were sometimes when I didn't think we'd- or should I say I'd- make it. I still remember getting on the Hogwarts Express for the first time and meeting everyone. It doesn't seem so long ago at all that we were at our sorting. I was just so relieved I didn't go into slimy Slytherin." He covered his mouth. "Sorry, it just slipped out I swear," he apologized not sounding at all sorry. "I remember joining the quidditch team and winning games, as well as all of the practices Gryffindor's crazy captains made us do. I remember pulling pranks and passing classes, going on dates and getting in fights. I remember how stressed everyone was for the OWLs and how trivial they seem now compared to the NEWTs. Hogwarts has been my life for the past seven years and it seems so strange to be leaving it. These have been the best years of my life, but honestly, and I think you'll all agree with me, I'm ready to move on into the next phase. We're all legally adults now, even if some of us don't act like it," here he shot a blatant look towards Sirius who was flirting with the girl next to him. The crowd laughed. "We're going to be getting jobs and living on our own, getting married and raising kids." He unconsciously looked towards Lily who blushed. Several of the girls let out a little "awww." "Thank you all for making this experience so amazing. It wouldn't have been the same without any of you." He acted as if he was finished and then as and afterthought added, "Oh and by the way I'm sorry for pranking you all over the years, Most of time the affects weren't supposed to be long lasting." He cast the counterspell on himself and stepped back.

Lily stepped forward and cleared her throat. She cast the amplifying spell on herself. "When I first got my Hogwarts letter, I was stunned, bewildered, and amazed. It was so unexpected. I just couldn't believe it. Then when I made in onto the train I was ambushed by some very rowdy boys, one of which had exceedingly messy black hair." She turned and looked sternly at James. "These boys would make the next few years of my life chaos. In fact it wasn't until this year that I began to be friends with them, or really anyone of you. Imagine my dismay when I found that it was James Potter who would be head boy alongside me. I'm quite sure that all of you are aware of our past. It'd pretty hard not to have heard one of our, ahem, conversations. But this year I pushed myself, and I really got to know a lot of you. I just regret that I didn't attempt to get to know you all sooner."

"While here we've all had our share of heartbreak and laughs. We've all stressed over an exam at one point or another, and we've all gloated over doing well on something. We've all found our own talents ranging from quidditch to potions. We've all gotten to know ourselves better. We've all matured and grown," she looked down at herself. "Some of us just mentally." The 7th years laughed. She was by far the shortest person in their year. "We've learned our lessons in and out of the classroom. We've all been gossiped about at some point or another and we've all spread a rumor about someone else. We've all suffered from a botched spell or potion, and we've all ended up in the hospital wing at some point. We've watched as the war has entered our lives and we've all been pressured to pick sides by our housemates. We've all taken days for granted, and we've all had our selfish moments."

"But now were ascending into adulthood, where all of our decisions will have a bigger impact on our lives. And now we must ask ourselves a myriad of questions. 'Should I take the job? Should I buy the flat? Should I further my education? Should I propose? Should I become active in the war?' All these should I, could I, would I questions can only be answered by you. So my advice to our year is only this. Follow your heart, and don't do something just because you feel pushed into it. Make your life as happy as possible however possible. That's what I'll be doing, or at least trying to. Now I'll stop rambling and let the headmaster speak. Thank you." She cast the counterspell and followed James off the stage where she found her seat.

Lily tuned out the speeches made by the headmaster and the heads of the houses. Her eyes kept falling on James who was sitting across the room from her and towards the back. He was so strong and funny and helpful and nice, just absolutely perfect. She sincerely hoped that her dream would come true. She'd like nothing more than to be Lily Potter and have his children. Following her heart indeed.

She was awaken abruptly from her wandering thoughts as the names of her peers were called. She couldn't help but smile as Sirius crossed the front of the room with his certificate in his hand. He stopped and struck a pose than winked at the crowd before relinquishing the floor to the next student.

At "Evans, Lily, head girl," she rose from her seat and got her certificate. She smiled pleasantly at the others. She was a bit shocked to hear how loud the applause was for her but tried not to show it. She was quite thankful when she finally made it back to her seat.

Rodolphus was called, and Lily stiffened as he passed her by, but he did nothing. Perhaps today of all days was unspokenly a truce. Remus was not long after and he accepted his certificate graciously. Much later was Peter and a couple of students after was James. Lily's breath caught in her throat as he walked by. He was just so profoundly incredible. Severus accepted his award glumly and stalked back to his seat. He had stayed away from Lily and the marauders for quite a few weeks now. He was obviously avoiding them. Finally the last person- Zeffer, Audrey- went up and the ceremony ended. The newly graduated students stood up and began conversing excitedly.

Lily rushed up to James and planted a huge kiss on his lips right as he turned around. He stumbled back surprised. "Whoa," he said shaking his head. "I could get used to that."

Lily smiled. "Good, because I plan on doing it as much as possible for as long as possible."

"I wouldn't have it any other way. You're stuck with me forever," he said as he placed his hands around her waist.

"Is that a veiled proposal?" Lily asked with a raised eyebrow. "Because according to the pool that our friends our running but think we forgot about, Remus would win."

"Think of it as a pre-proposal," he said. "I don't think either of us is ready for that much of a commitment quite yet."

"Pre-proposal?" Lily mulled it over. "I like the sound of that."

James looked at her earnestly. "You're my life, Lily. I mean you're the reason I'm living it. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you."

She smiled at him. "I feel the same way about you too. You, James Potter, are the love of my life." Looking into his eyes she felt a thrill at the look of love in his eyes. She kissed him, and in a mind-boggling moment, unconsciously they sealed their fate.


End file.
